Quite often, I think I am the strictest Dad on the block. This may come as something of a surprise to those who only know me outside of the whole familial aspect. The image I think I generally portray is that of a fairly liberal thinker. That alone would lead one to perhaps believe that I would be very free thinking with my kids. But, actually, even I must admit that this is not generally the case.
You tell me if I am too strict. This is what I expect from my 13 year old daughter:
- Do your homework, study for your tests, shoot for "A"s, settle for "B"s and "C"s as necessary, but "D"s and "F"s are completely unacceptable.
- No other kids are allowed in our house with her unless at least one of us (Amy or myself) are present. This is non-negotiable.
- Complete list of chores, which includes but are not limited to: "Poop Patrol" (cleaning up and disposing of any doggy poop which may be present in the backyard area); refill the dog's water dishes; dry or put away the dishes that may be present in the dishwasher (which is typically filled and run the night before); load dishwasher with any/all dirty dishes from the morning which may be in the sink. First bullet point in this listing (regarding homework) gets started after chores are completed.
- When out and about with friends, she is required to call before traveling from one friend's house to another or to any other location (store, etc.). The mall is currently forbidden unless an adult is present with her and her group of friends.
- Attitude and backtalk is expressly forbidden and will elicit a quick and terrible response in the example of getting yelled at or potentially grounded. This is not a democracy. However, that said, I am open to discussion of questions and ideas if I am approached in a respectful fashion.
- To her and her friends, my name is not "Sean"; it is "Dad" or "Mr. Thompson". There are no exceptions.
I am not a completely unreasonable person, but I am not my daughter's friend; I am her parent. It is not my job to make sure she gets to do whatever she desires to do, it is my job to make sure she understands what is the "right" decision and what is the "wrong" decision. As I said, this is not a democracy; it is a benevolent dictatorship. I do not negotiate, at least not as a rule. My job is to make sure this kid survives and learns enough to know that the world - while being a supremely sucky place overall - can actually work to her advantage if she pays attention and does not allow herself to fall into the pot holes which will inevitably be created in front of her.
Those basic rules aside, I think I am a fairly open parent. Things are different than when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I could disappear for a full day, show up at dusk, and my mom didn't think twice about it. She knew I would be fine. A simpler time, to be sure, hence my tighter controls.
Does this make me a horrible parent? I have to ask myself this question from time to time, especially having a teenage daughter in the house. I know that each year will bring new, more frightening (for me) changes. Additionally, I have to evaluate if my approach has more to do with her being a girl; I am not sure I will have the same rules for Lil D. I might, but - as sexist as it sounds - boys are different considerations.
Feel free to comment. ON a somewhat - but not completely - related note: Today was our first "dry run" (more or less) of Lil D going to daycare. He will be there for only a few hours before Amy picks him up, a little longer tomorrow, and then again some time on Friday. This will serve to hopefully help him to become more acclimated to the whole new thing. Will also help us to get used to the idea. Overall, Amy has done really well with it. It helps that we feel very confident we selected the right person for daycare. With luck, Amy will be able to find something that will allow her to work from home, but even in THAT case we would more the likely still have him go to daycare a couple of days during the week. Still, I long for the freedom I experienced as a child myself. Generally, I was a latch-key kid at certain points, but for the most part there was always a parent at home. And we were not poverty stricken. Just doesn't seem to work out that way (at least not in the Bay Area.....) unless you come to terms with never having any money.
Those are my thoughts as I wrap up my lunch break. Tawk amongst yo-selfs.....
