Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Halloween
I have to admit that I'm a bit excited for this Halloween, mostly because it is the first year we are taking out (not so) 'Lil D trick or treating this year. Hopefully he'll really like it and not be scared by older kids. Our plan is to meet the Silveria gang and go to one of the "cool" neighborhoods in town for the good loot. After a bit we'll go home and hand out candy while getting dinner and bed going. We've decided to forget finding outfits for the twins, they won't have the patience for them anyways. We do have some cute sweat suits that were D's they will wear to keep warm.
Here's a preview:
Monday, June 13, 2011
An interesting, and yet relaxed, weekend
As many of you who follow me in some way, shape, or form already know, I am not really that shy very often about offering details of anything from the big to the small. I had posted some food updates of prep work both Amy and I had done: me with regards to BBQing ribs, her with baking homemade cherry pie, etc. This prep was all in anticipation of a Saturday event that I felt I had to be somewhat low-key about because I did not want certain individuals to feel concern or odd about.
Some people already know about how - after 40 years of no contact - I made an effort to locate and attempt to reconnect with my biological father. At the time I started the inquiries, I had no idea whether or not he was even still alive. I grew up with my mother and - for the better part of my life - my step-father, whose last name I bear after he adopted me when I was 13. I have spoken to my mother many times about this topic. I only knew her perspective, which was not a very forgiving one. One must understand the whole picture to understand. My mother and father met when they were both relatively young. They dated, much to the chagrin of my grandparents, and it was not long after that (when my mom was 16) that she became pregnant with me. This was very difficult for my grandmother to handle; my mom was essentially driven out of her own home. She married my father and they tried to make a go of things, but my father had issues with anger and addiction. We three ended up in questionable living situations surrounded by even more questionable people, many actually dangerous. Physical and emotional abuse were not unknown in the house, mostly precipitated by the drug and alcohol abuse my father was already deeply involved in. Eventually, my mother tore herself away from the situation, pulling us both to safety (to hear her speak of it and she is probably not far off). She went her way and my father went...I don't know where. I did not have any contact or see him again after that for another 40 years.
There is a lot of emotion involved with this. Since reconnecting, I have heard part of my father's story. It is rather grim overall, involving time in prison, various crimes, deep drug abuse before finally rising into becoming clean and working very hard to maintain that new found sobriety. Our reconnection has had as much of a profound effect on him as it has had on myself and we often find ourselves engaging more in small talk in a seeming effort to not always prod the elephant in the room. There is a lot to still discuss, a lot to touch on. But I know it must be done slowly, for both of our sakes, let alone for those around us.
This past weekend was arguably a start in and of itself, even though we have had contact over the past couple of years now. On one level, one motivation for me I will admit was to be able to show everything I have accomplished without him, to show him I did not need him to achieve all that I have through very hard work. I admit that as being present in my mind. However, as the visit progressed, I began to realize that it represented much more. I could see his reactions and see some of his walls come down. I could feel the overwhelming sense of both loss and gain in him as he watched Amy and I with our children, especially when he would interact with Devlin who - being a typical three-year old - couldn't care less about anything other than getting attention from everyone and everything around him. Beforehand, we were both very apprehensive, almost to the point of simply cancelling it altogether. But this was something that needed to be done, a quiet and yet cathartic release of tension. We will have our discussion about the past...but this moment was not for that.
Some may wonder why I, a grown man in his 40s, would care about any of this, would delve into trying to reconcile anything with someone who had chosen to remove himself from my life so many years ago. I have different reasons for why and cannot give anyone any single reason that they may understand. Perhaps it is about learning how to truly forgive. Perhaps it is about trying to get a better idea of my roots and perhaps even understand some aspects of myself that I had no true bead on, to try and get a face-to-face understanding of where part of my past comes from. There are other reasons, to be sure, but I only have so much space available here and I feel I have already expounded on this enough. You get the picture.
If I had to summarize all of this, lets just say it was a good start and take it from there...
Some people already know about how - after 40 years of no contact - I made an effort to locate and attempt to reconnect with my biological father. At the time I started the inquiries, I had no idea whether or not he was even still alive. I grew up with my mother and - for the better part of my life - my step-father, whose last name I bear after he adopted me when I was 13. I have spoken to my mother many times about this topic. I only knew her perspective, which was not a very forgiving one. One must understand the whole picture to understand. My mother and father met when they were both relatively young. They dated, much to the chagrin of my grandparents, and it was not long after that (when my mom was 16) that she became pregnant with me. This was very difficult for my grandmother to handle; my mom was essentially driven out of her own home. She married my father and they tried to make a go of things, but my father had issues with anger and addiction. We three ended up in questionable living situations surrounded by even more questionable people, many actually dangerous. Physical and emotional abuse were not unknown in the house, mostly precipitated by the drug and alcohol abuse my father was already deeply involved in. Eventually, my mother tore herself away from the situation, pulling us both to safety (to hear her speak of it and she is probably not far off). She went her way and my father went...I don't know where. I did not have any contact or see him again after that for another 40 years.
There is a lot of emotion involved with this. Since reconnecting, I have heard part of my father's story. It is rather grim overall, involving time in prison, various crimes, deep drug abuse before finally rising into becoming clean and working very hard to maintain that new found sobriety. Our reconnection has had as much of a profound effect on him as it has had on myself and we often find ourselves engaging more in small talk in a seeming effort to not always prod the elephant in the room. There is a lot to still discuss, a lot to touch on. But I know it must be done slowly, for both of our sakes, let alone for those around us.
This past weekend was arguably a start in and of itself, even though we have had contact over the past couple of years now. On one level, one motivation for me I will admit was to be able to show everything I have accomplished without him, to show him I did not need him to achieve all that I have through very hard work. I admit that as being present in my mind. However, as the visit progressed, I began to realize that it represented much more. I could see his reactions and see some of his walls come down. I could feel the overwhelming sense of both loss and gain in him as he watched Amy and I with our children, especially when he would interact with Devlin who - being a typical three-year old - couldn't care less about anything other than getting attention from everyone and everything around him. Beforehand, we were both very apprehensive, almost to the point of simply cancelling it altogether. But this was something that needed to be done, a quiet and yet cathartic release of tension. We will have our discussion about the past...but this moment was not for that.
Some may wonder why I, a grown man in his 40s, would care about any of this, would delve into trying to reconcile anything with someone who had chosen to remove himself from my life so many years ago. I have different reasons for why and cannot give anyone any single reason that they may understand. Perhaps it is about learning how to truly forgive. Perhaps it is about trying to get a better idea of my roots and perhaps even understand some aspects of myself that I had no true bead on, to try and get a face-to-face understanding of where part of my past comes from. There are other reasons, to be sure, but I only have so much space available here and I feel I have already expounded on this enough. You get the picture.
If I had to summarize all of this, lets just say it was a good start and take it from there...
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Ah, sweet blog...how I have neglected thee...
It has been just about four month since I last posted an entry out here after having changed my personal blog to reflect a more "family oriented" perspective. Not even really sure what that means, other than I wanted to have Amy do more with it as well as focus on family topics that come up. That may or may not happen, if only because Amy has her own blog at http://devilgirltomama.blogspot.com/ (I believe she blocks those she does not know, so you would have to send a request to view).
I really do not have many excuses for not writing, other than time constraints. I owe time to my music blog site, transcription of an interview I did in late March, and just general stuff. Its been very difficult, to be honest with you. My work has been crazy in that I have pretty much been the only one handling the technical publications responsibilities for my entire company. I have a contractor helping, but she is not as attentive or up to my level and has attendance issues here and there. Another person went out on sick leave...three months ago. Due to legal issues, the company cannot force the issue in that situation, which really sucks, but I have to step back and try to understand since I have had my own things to address throughout last year and this so far.
The twins and Devlin keep us very busy every day, for obvious reasons. We get up between 4 and 4:30am, get ourselves ready, get the kids going, pack lunches and ourselves and then drop the three off at daycare before hitting the freeway for our commute. Our commute is an hour to an hour and half to get to my work, add another 20 to 30 minutes from there to get to Amy's. We leave San Jose around 4pm and get home in time to pick the kids up before 6pm, get home, get unpacked, kids organized and maybe fed/changed while one of us fixes dinner. Bath time after dinner (every other night at this stage...), then off to bed. Amy and I MIGHT have 30 to 45 minutes of alone/down time together before we have to get to bed to get enough rest to turn around and do it all again. And sometimes that gets interrupted one or several times a night by one or both twins for various reasons (hungry, diaper, binkie...). Weekends are taken up with domestic and/or yard work chores or sometimes family outings to the Farmer's Market or other shopping. When we can catch naps, we do, or try to otherwise have some sort of down time.
Hard to motivate to write after all of that and I end up typically doing any during regular business hours in between actual work...
What are YOUR days like? How do you arrange your time and manage? Always looking for fresh ideas, so let me know...
I really do not have many excuses for not writing, other than time constraints. I owe time to my music blog site, transcription of an interview I did in late March, and just general stuff. Its been very difficult, to be honest with you. My work has been crazy in that I have pretty much been the only one handling the technical publications responsibilities for my entire company. I have a contractor helping, but she is not as attentive or up to my level and has attendance issues here and there. Another person went out on sick leave...three months ago. Due to legal issues, the company cannot force the issue in that situation, which really sucks, but I have to step back and try to understand since I have had my own things to address throughout last year and this so far.
The twins and Devlin keep us very busy every day, for obvious reasons. We get up between 4 and 4:30am, get ourselves ready, get the kids going, pack lunches and ourselves and then drop the three off at daycare before hitting the freeway for our commute. Our commute is an hour to an hour and half to get to my work, add another 20 to 30 minutes from there to get to Amy's. We leave San Jose around 4pm and get home in time to pick the kids up before 6pm, get home, get unpacked, kids organized and maybe fed/changed while one of us fixes dinner. Bath time after dinner (every other night at this stage...), then off to bed. Amy and I MIGHT have 30 to 45 minutes of alone/down time together before we have to get to bed to get enough rest to turn around and do it all again. And sometimes that gets interrupted one or several times a night by one or both twins for various reasons (hungry, diaper, binkie...). Weekends are taken up with domestic and/or yard work chores or sometimes family outings to the Farmer's Market or other shopping. When we can catch naps, we do, or try to otherwise have some sort of down time.
Hard to motivate to write after all of that and I end up typically doing any during regular business hours in between actual work...
What are YOUR days like? How do you arrange your time and manage? Always looking for fresh ideas, so let me know...
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A month of illness...
January was a horrendous month for illness. I say that with great annoyance knowing we did everything we could to try and avoid most of what the season had to offer. While Amy was still pregnant, we all got immunized against the flu (H1N1, and a couple of other strains) and pertussis (whooping cough). Can't do much against the cold (which I have a huge issue with), but we always did our best to wash everybody's hands and all the things doctors advise. The wild card, however, is daycare. Anyone out there who has kids in daycare knows exactly what I am talking about. You can bathe your kids daily, wash their hands all day long, give them multivitamins daily, dress them warmly in cold weather, etc...and it could end up really making no difference at all when confronted by the dangers inherent in sending a kid off to daycare. The problem, really? Not all parents are as attentive as we are (or perhaps as, dear reader). They do not have jobs that they can afford to stay home from when a child is exhibiting symptoms of anything, or they simply do not want to. So the kid(s) end up at the daycare...and infects one or more or all others.
In the past several months, poor Devlin has endured no less than three ear infections, two of those instances being double ear infections. This morning marked the third one of those; he was feeling bad last night and awoke with a temperature hovering around the 101/102 mark. The mixed blessing with this is that he can at least take antibiotics. This was not the case with earlier in January when he came home with the first case of RSV (respiratory syncytial virus) we have ever encountered. It got so bad for him that we ended up calling the paramedics one evening and his needing to be transported to the emergency room for treatment). One by one, it took over our entire household. For adults, this virus is not unlike a very severe cold. However, for infants, it could be the worse case scenario. We had to once again visit the ER with Liam's case, but his was far worse than Devlin's, requiring ER techs to work fast to stabilize him and then also having an ambulance actually transport him from the ER located in Manteca, to the Kaiser facility in Santa Clara because that was the closest hospital with the best tools and teams to handle his treatment. Poor Liam, only about a month old, spent almost two weeks in the hospital, with Amy at his side daily and me trying to hold our household together with a still recovering Devlin and Keira dealing with her own bout of the virus. Finally, he was recovered enough to come home, where we had to watch him almost hourly and make sure we kept everybody washing hands, etc. Through all of this, Amy and I are still recovering ourselves and then we hear my Mom has a sinus infection. Additionally, John has been dealing with sinus issues and a possible infection for about a week himself. At my work, one co-worker has bronchitis, another is recovering from the flu.
What the hell? When will this all be over.
Oh, and guess what? I might have gout. That's right...fucking gout. I woke up this past Sunday morning with a throbbing pain in my foot which just got worse throughout the day, forcing me to limp if I wanted to walk anywhere. Monday afternoon and evening it got worse, forcing me to call and make an appointment with my doctor. I was glad I did as I spent several hours late Monday night suffering through extreme pain in my big toe joint, watching it and my foot swell up, pain I had never endured before (and I have numerous tattoos and have inflicted a variety of piercings onto myself in the past, so I am no stranger to pain...). This felt like someone taking a crowbar and trying to pry apart my big toe from my foot, over and over again in waves. At the doctor's, he visually confirmed it was most likely gout (which Amy had initially suggested, actually), but had me run through an x-ray and giving what seemed like a HUGE amount of my blood to be tested. Still awaiting the official diagnosis, but I am pretty sure it is gout. I feel so old, now. Could be inherited, could have to do with weight (although I have lost over ten pounds in the past month or so), could be diet. The worst thing I have to limit my intake of? Beer. Beer is a huge contributor to gout issues. Of course, heavy drinking of beer and other alcohols are related to it, but the amount the guideline notes as excessive I never come close to. I might have a six-pack a month, and not even all at once. Ask Amy: She used to get annoyed with me when she would drink in the past and I would say, "Eh, not really feeling it." So who knows where this is all coming from. All I know is that it hurts like a fucker and I am limping around like Gimp Boy...
So, if you talk to me and I seem like I am a wee bit cranky, you know why. I can only hope that the fates have conspired to front load all of this crap and the rest of the year is going to be better...
In the past several months, poor Devlin has endured no less than three ear infections, two of those instances being double ear infections. This morning marked the third one of those; he was feeling bad last night and awoke with a temperature hovering around the 101/102 mark. The mixed blessing with this is that he can at least take antibiotics. This was not the case with earlier in January when he came home with the first case of RSV (respiratory syncytial virus) we have ever encountered. It got so bad for him that we ended up calling the paramedics one evening and his needing to be transported to the emergency room for treatment). One by one, it took over our entire household. For adults, this virus is not unlike a very severe cold. However, for infants, it could be the worse case scenario. We had to once again visit the ER with Liam's case, but his was far worse than Devlin's, requiring ER techs to work fast to stabilize him and then also having an ambulance actually transport him from the ER located in Manteca, to the Kaiser facility in Santa Clara because that was the closest hospital with the best tools and teams to handle his treatment. Poor Liam, only about a month old, spent almost two weeks in the hospital, with Amy at his side daily and me trying to hold our household together with a still recovering Devlin and Keira dealing with her own bout of the virus. Finally, he was recovered enough to come home, where we had to watch him almost hourly and make sure we kept everybody washing hands, etc. Through all of this, Amy and I are still recovering ourselves and then we hear my Mom has a sinus infection. Additionally, John has been dealing with sinus issues and a possible infection for about a week himself. At my work, one co-worker has bronchitis, another is recovering from the flu.
What the hell? When will this all be over.
Oh, and guess what? I might have gout. That's right...fucking gout. I woke up this past Sunday morning with a throbbing pain in my foot which just got worse throughout the day, forcing me to limp if I wanted to walk anywhere. Monday afternoon and evening it got worse, forcing me to call and make an appointment with my doctor. I was glad I did as I spent several hours late Monday night suffering through extreme pain in my big toe joint, watching it and my foot swell up, pain I had never endured before (and I have numerous tattoos and have inflicted a variety of piercings onto myself in the past, so I am no stranger to pain...). This felt like someone taking a crowbar and trying to pry apart my big toe from my foot, over and over again in waves. At the doctor's, he visually confirmed it was most likely gout (which Amy had initially suggested, actually), but had me run through an x-ray and giving what seemed like a HUGE amount of my blood to be tested. Still awaiting the official diagnosis, but I am pretty sure it is gout. I feel so old, now. Could be inherited, could have to do with weight (although I have lost over ten pounds in the past month or so), could be diet. The worst thing I have to limit my intake of? Beer. Beer is a huge contributor to gout issues. Of course, heavy drinking of beer and other alcohols are related to it, but the amount the guideline notes as excessive I never come close to. I might have a six-pack a month, and not even all at once. Ask Amy: She used to get annoyed with me when she would drink in the past and I would say, "Eh, not really feeling it." So who knows where this is all coming from. All I know is that it hurts like a fucker and I am limping around like Gimp Boy...
So, if you talk to me and I seem like I am a wee bit cranky, you know why. I can only hope that the fates have conspired to front load all of this crap and the rest of the year is going to be better...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Amy
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| Self-portrait after getting her did one day... |
I met Amy at a time in my life when I wasn't really looking to meet anyone. At least I thought that to be the case up to that point. Just goes to show that the universe has it's own game plan and you really don't have much of a say in what direction things go. How we met is an old story that most probably already know, but then again maybe not, so I will detail it again for the purposes of this current entry. Back in May of 2000, I was working for a well-known semiconductor company in Silicon Valley. Times were pretty good, overall. I had really felt I was hitting my stride at rebuilding my life after a very nasty split from my second wife (yes, I said second wife...get over it...). Knowing I was a fan, my boss at the time invited me to go with him and his wife to see the San Francisco Giants battle the New York Mets (he is the Mets fan, being originally from NY) at the newly opened Pac Bell park in S.F. We were going to wrap up work and leave directly to drive to San Mateo and pick up his wife before heading to the park. Once in his car, and already en route, he happens to say, "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that a girl from Denise's (his wife) work is going to join us. Her name is Amy and I - we - really think you two will like each other..."
Excuse me?
I had fallen into the trap of the surprise blind date. This is perhaps one of the most dangerous traps a single male can encounter. It is fraught with pitfalls and potentially death-dealing missteps. By all accounts, I think most men would agree with me that this is one event that is best avoided. Simply too many things that can go wrong. I braced myself for a rather uncomfortable evening and resolved to drink a lot of beer and focus on the game. To make matters worse, my boss called his wife (or vice versa, some details escape me now in my old age...) and they put us on the phone with each other. Some stress was relieved when I heard her voice, a direct tone softened with a cute sexiness that gave my lizard brain pause. Maybe this won't end up too badly after all? We joked and compared stories of how we had been set up this particular early summer evening and then said good-bye for the moment as my boss and I were almost at their work location.
Denise walked toward the car followed by this very attractive redhead in jeans and a casual top. Lizard brain started tapping me on the shoulder: Dude...she's REALLY cute! After exchanging greetings, we were shoved into the backseat and and resumed our journey, this time with Denise acting as matchmaker by grilling us both on our respective pasts, currents, and futures. Driving to S.F. from San Mateo really doesn't take all that long, but the dual interrogation made it last for what seemed like hours.
Finally arriving at the ballpark, Amy and I shared a quick joke that given our very thorough interviews handled by Denise, we were technically on our third date.
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| I think she tried to take food off my plate...or something... |
We ended up walking around the park for a bit, getting hot dogs and beer, culminating at one point in me bravely giving her a piggyback ride up the stairs from the lower levels. We talked and joked and, I think, enjoyed each other's company very much. She may not remember me telling her this, but I was completely drawn in by her smile and laugh.
After the game, we sort of made a concentrated effort to walk a bit behind my boss and his wife (who also, by the way, happened to be Amy's boss...) in order to chat more privately. Or maybe we moved ahead of them. Details getting lost again, sorry. At any rate, there came a moment when I threw all my cards on the table and gently pulled her into a space between two cars in the parking lot and kissed her. Imagine my relief when she didn't haul off and punch me in the head, but instead kissed me back. We stood there for a moment as people walked by until we felt a presence. We looked around and saw a cute older Asian couple waiting very patiently for us to finish...because we were blocking the way to their car. We smiled and laughed a bit, apologizing, and moved on to find our ride home.
The evening had started out very questionable but ended on perhaps the most perfect note it could. We made plans to get together for dinner later in the week and things just sort of went from there. I tried to deny it for a time, not wanting to set myself up for failure, but I had to finally admit that I knew right then, that first date, that I wanted to marry her...
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| Our wedding, on the beach, Maui 2005. She had shoes, but went barefoot... |
She has her own blog, too, titled One to Three... (although I think hers is "restricted and you need to be given approval...but its worth a shot to check out...), but I am giving her access to post to this one as well. But check hers out, too...
Love ya, babe!
Cha-cha-cha-changes...
I have decided that, for this new year, I am going to revamp my personal blog a bit. I used to use my personal blog for anything and everything, including reviews, etc. Now, being happily married (since 2005) and the father of a teenager, a toddler, and twin newborns I feel I should open things up a bit more and use this particular blog page to include all things Thompson family oriented. I will create a different page for the reviews I enjoy writing. So, now, instead of this page being known as "The Line Between The Devil's Teeth", it shall now be "Thompsonland". I feel that is more appropriate for the change. All of my blogs will also be connected to my Facebook account and entries will appear as Notes, but I may choose to keep some to just the blog pages themselves.
On behalf of myself, Amy, Sloan, Devlin, Keira, and Liam (not forgetting the ever-faithful Brooklyn and Spike)...Welcome!
On behalf of myself, Amy, Sloan, Devlin, Keira, and Liam (not forgetting the ever-faithful Brooklyn and Spike)...Welcome!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
2010
It would be awesome to sing the line "...it was a very good year..." with respect to 2010, but I just cannot do it convincingly. There were so many significant life changes in 2010 that I literally become exhausted trying to organize my thoughts around them in order to even consider presenting. I cannot even say "the most important change" to any one of them, as difficult as they may be for many to believe. It comes down to what I have chosen to present of my life and what I have kept to myself. Not everyone has my full story of 2010...until perhaps now.
One of the more significant events that occurred centered around my oldest daughter, Sloan. It was no secret that she was not happy when we moved from San Jose to Tracy in 2009. However, after many discussions, we had all thought she was going to give it a good try and work it out. For those of you not in the loop, I have been the primary/custodial parent to Sloan for the past *almost* 11 years of her 15 years on this planet. Her mother and I had remained married for the first 2 to 2 1/2 years after she was born. That leaves about 2 years where I was the non-custodial parent and having visitation. All told, I have done everything I can to remain a constant and even daily presence in her life. In February of 2010, I was served with papers from her mother seeking to change primary custody to her. Over the course of the next year, I have had to listen to what a horrible person I am, hearing her attorney try to convince the court that I am abusive, controlling, and that Sloan is unhappy. Prior to being served with the papers, we had already arranged for Sloan to take part in therapy, at her own request as she recognized she was dealing with depression and anger issues. In the course of her therapy, she revealed she had also had suicidal thoughts and claimed to have made at least one attempt by choking herself with her hands. This obviously shocked me. I had no idea. Sloan and I had been having a difficult time in the communication department for the better part of 2008 and 2009, but I attributed this to teenage angst and the need for her to push for more freedom. I admit I am rather a draconian individual when it comes to household rules, homework, and grades...and my style is not for everyone as it shifts from trying to be supportive to leveling punishments as I feel are needed. I think every parent does this on different levels. But I never would have imagined that she would be become so depressed or angry that she felt the need to harm herself. All of this was blown out to its wildest and most preposterous proportions in court, handled by myself and my own attorney in turn, until we finally came to the conclusion that Sloan needed to try living with her mother now. I was set to fight; I had already spent close to $10K on this and I honestly did not believe Sloan would be best served at her mother's. But, in the end, I decided that if she really wanted this, I needed to back off and let her do it. It has been painful for all concerned. I wish I could say that it has had a happy ending, but it has not been. We have always known that the main catalyst for Sloan wanting to move back to her Mom's (who lives in San Jose/Morgan Hill) was to get back to her friends and her original high school. Since she has moved back, she has run away several times, delved into drug use with her friends, and made another suicide attempt, this time overdosing on her depression medication. This last act got her a quick trip to the hospital and then a week in lockdown in the adolescent psychiatric unit of a local facility. To add insult to injury to me, her mother did not bother to let me know any of this until 24 to 48 hours after it had all gone down. In fact, anything that has occurred I tend to not hear about until well after it has already happened; there was even one instance when Sloan ran away where no one had any clue where she was...and I was at the hospital with Amy for the twins. This may be consdiered me giving too much information by some, but I feel it is important to let it out. The one truly happy note to all of this is that I have worked hard to repair my relationship with my oldest daughter and it is clear to her that I have. We speak together better than we have in a very long time and she opens up to me more. She knows she can always come home whenever she wants. I only hope things at her mother's do not get worse before they get better. She really is an amazing person. I should note that while in my care, Sloan never ran away, never tried to drugs (trust me, I would know...), and while the claim has been made at a suicide attempt, there is no actual evidence of it and her therapist at the time even noted the fashion she chose for that instance was not a serious attempt (cold comfort, but still). The case drags on and we have a follow-up hearing next month that should be interesting as most of Sloan's worse incidents occurred between the last hearing and this upcoming one. We will see what happens.
At the same time all of this is going on in my life...we find out in April that Amy is pregnant. With twins. Talk about a shocker. We had been sort of half-assing trying for another, but not with any real serious thought to it because it had taken so long to conceive Devlin. So, like I said in a previous blog, just when you think you are sort of in control of things, the universe laughs and throws a fast ball right at your head. It is, of course, a happy change...but damn. Twins? Really? Thanks, universe.
The aforementioned event in 2010 in turn relates to the next: actually purchasing a home. I have always rented; so has Amy. We had wanted to buy while still living in the Bay Area, but housing prices are simply ridiculous and we had no desire to add to the entire mortgage meltdown. We actually wanted to be responsible buyers and owners. The dream of someday buying is another reason we moved the family to Tracy. It is a nice, fairly quiet community and the prices are half what one would expect to pay in the Bay Area...and get more for your money. After much discussion, we dove into the process of searching for a home. In June, we found our place...and closed relatively quickly. I think our heads almost spun off at that point considering how fast they were already spinning...
It should also be noted that the imminent arrival of the twins meant we also needed to consider trading in one of our vehicles and purchase something a bit more accommodating for our growing brood. In September, over Labor Day Weekend, we traded in our Toyota RAV4 and bought a GMC Acadia. One must give all props to Amy for her in depth research on this one as she had a very particular type of seating pattern she wanted to have in order to best seat all of the kids.
In between, in July, my grandfather Ralph passed away. It felt like as much as we were making strides forward, this event brought us numerous steps back. I guess I should restate that to say that it was just such a wave of sadness that it really enveloped everything I was doing. I was happy that my grandfather was no longer having to deal with his pain, and he had lived an incredible and full life, truly an example of what it means to be a man, a father, and a grandfather. It was difficult...but has gotten better. For everyone.
The move into the new house was fraught with timing issues and working out something with the landlords of the old place as we were breaking our lease. When push came to shove, though, they were quite gracious and did not hold us to anything financial. It was sad to leave that neighborhood, but we were excited to get to our new one and a whole new adventure.
One high point through all of this is that we are both still working. The sucky thing about that is the commute. But we all do what we have to do, right? Perhaps 2011 will present opportunities to find something a little closer to home for both of us (or at least one), who knows? I would rather have a job that I had to commute to than no job at all...
Devlin celebrated his second birthday in our new home, but had already been edging into The Terrible Twos well beforehand. Still a handful, D is probably one of the most gregarious and active kids I have ever seen, with a very real and funny sense of humor. He is currently such a little tank, solid, and pretty much the archtype of a Boy. Our little baby is gone, replace by this always on-the-go little boy. It is alternately sad and amazing to watch. Welcome to parenthood...
December finally brought us The Twins, Keira and Liam. Amy made a great post on her own blog that was very detailed at http://devilgirltomama.blogspot.com/2010/12/birth-story.html, but I don't know if all will have access to it. Check with her if you really want to read it. The last few weeks have been pretty draining getting used to them being here, but also incredibly cool. I have a great many more pictures to upload, which may have to wait until the weekend now that I am back at work...
I am sure there are other events and incidents and instances I am neglecting to mention, but I think those I have included here are pretty big. Any one of these events would probably give someone pause...and I had to deal with all of them this past year. So, if I seemed a bit tense, terse, or otherwise annoyed...now maybe you will understand. I do have to say, however, that if it wasn't for my family and friends - and even those who are part of my Facebook friends list - I do not know if I would have been able to get through everything without some sort of nuclear blowout. With regards to Facebook, I really have to let everyone I know out there/here how appreciative I am for all kind words, for all debates, for all well wishes, for all updates, for everything. People I have not seen since high school have all been so kind and gracious and well-meaning. Sometimes it makes me regret not taking more time to really delve into those friendships and acquaintanceships when we were all in school. Its so very cool for me to be able to connect with all of you and get some small glimpse into your lives and I hope that 2011 brings each and every one of you much happiness in your personal and professional lives. Thanks again to all for such great messages, both public and private. It doesn't get said as much as it should, so please know how much I appreciate everything.
And I have to really note some special people in our lives, without whom we would be lacking portions of our hearts. John & Brie, Scott & Renee, Ashley & Jason, Heather & Pete for all of the love and support through our various moves, through our up times and down, for simply being our friends and not expecting or asking more than being simply being there for each other. Cat, Cindi, Jerry & Eileen, Nate, Teresa...I could go on but that would mean having to list about 148 people (or approximately the number of people connected to me via Facebook).
Happy 2011 to Everyone. Thanks to you all for everything in 2010.
S
One of the more significant events that occurred centered around my oldest daughter, Sloan. It was no secret that she was not happy when we moved from San Jose to Tracy in 2009. However, after many discussions, we had all thought she was going to give it a good try and work it out. For those of you not in the loop, I have been the primary/custodial parent to Sloan for the past *almost* 11 years of her 15 years on this planet. Her mother and I had remained married for the first 2 to 2 1/2 years after she was born. That leaves about 2 years where I was the non-custodial parent and having visitation. All told, I have done everything I can to remain a constant and even daily presence in her life. In February of 2010, I was served with papers from her mother seeking to change primary custody to her. Over the course of the next year, I have had to listen to what a horrible person I am, hearing her attorney try to convince the court that I am abusive, controlling, and that Sloan is unhappy. Prior to being served with the papers, we had already arranged for Sloan to take part in therapy, at her own request as she recognized she was dealing with depression and anger issues. In the course of her therapy, she revealed she had also had suicidal thoughts and claimed to have made at least one attempt by choking herself with her hands. This obviously shocked me. I had no idea. Sloan and I had been having a difficult time in the communication department for the better part of 2008 and 2009, but I attributed this to teenage angst and the need for her to push for more freedom. I admit I am rather a draconian individual when it comes to household rules, homework, and grades...and my style is not for everyone as it shifts from trying to be supportive to leveling punishments as I feel are needed. I think every parent does this on different levels. But I never would have imagined that she would be become so depressed or angry that she felt the need to harm herself. All of this was blown out to its wildest and most preposterous proportions in court, handled by myself and my own attorney in turn, until we finally came to the conclusion that Sloan needed to try living with her mother now. I was set to fight; I had already spent close to $10K on this and I honestly did not believe Sloan would be best served at her mother's. But, in the end, I decided that if she really wanted this, I needed to back off and let her do it. It has been painful for all concerned. I wish I could say that it has had a happy ending, but it has not been. We have always known that the main catalyst for Sloan wanting to move back to her Mom's (who lives in San Jose/Morgan Hill) was to get back to her friends and her original high school. Since she has moved back, she has run away several times, delved into drug use with her friends, and made another suicide attempt, this time overdosing on her depression medication. This last act got her a quick trip to the hospital and then a week in lockdown in the adolescent psychiatric unit of a local facility. To add insult to injury to me, her mother did not bother to let me know any of this until 24 to 48 hours after it had all gone down. In fact, anything that has occurred I tend to not hear about until well after it has already happened; there was even one instance when Sloan ran away where no one had any clue where she was...and I was at the hospital with Amy for the twins. This may be consdiered me giving too much information by some, but I feel it is important to let it out. The one truly happy note to all of this is that I have worked hard to repair my relationship with my oldest daughter and it is clear to her that I have. We speak together better than we have in a very long time and she opens up to me more. She knows she can always come home whenever she wants. I only hope things at her mother's do not get worse before they get better. She really is an amazing person. I should note that while in my care, Sloan never ran away, never tried to drugs (trust me, I would know...), and while the claim has been made at a suicide attempt, there is no actual evidence of it and her therapist at the time even noted the fashion she chose for that instance was not a serious attempt (cold comfort, but still). The case drags on and we have a follow-up hearing next month that should be interesting as most of Sloan's worse incidents occurred between the last hearing and this upcoming one. We will see what happens.
At the same time all of this is going on in my life...we find out in April that Amy is pregnant. With twins. Talk about a shocker. We had been sort of half-assing trying for another, but not with any real serious thought to it because it had taken so long to conceive Devlin. So, like I said in a previous blog, just when you think you are sort of in control of things, the universe laughs and throws a fast ball right at your head. It is, of course, a happy change...but damn. Twins? Really? Thanks, universe.
The aforementioned event in 2010 in turn relates to the next: actually purchasing a home. I have always rented; so has Amy. We had wanted to buy while still living in the Bay Area, but housing prices are simply ridiculous and we had no desire to add to the entire mortgage meltdown. We actually wanted to be responsible buyers and owners. The dream of someday buying is another reason we moved the family to Tracy. It is a nice, fairly quiet community and the prices are half what one would expect to pay in the Bay Area...and get more for your money. After much discussion, we dove into the process of searching for a home. In June, we found our place...and closed relatively quickly. I think our heads almost spun off at that point considering how fast they were already spinning...
It should also be noted that the imminent arrival of the twins meant we also needed to consider trading in one of our vehicles and purchase something a bit more accommodating for our growing brood. In September, over Labor Day Weekend, we traded in our Toyota RAV4 and bought a GMC Acadia. One must give all props to Amy for her in depth research on this one as she had a very particular type of seating pattern she wanted to have in order to best seat all of the kids.
In between, in July, my grandfather Ralph passed away. It felt like as much as we were making strides forward, this event brought us numerous steps back. I guess I should restate that to say that it was just such a wave of sadness that it really enveloped everything I was doing. I was happy that my grandfather was no longer having to deal with his pain, and he had lived an incredible and full life, truly an example of what it means to be a man, a father, and a grandfather. It was difficult...but has gotten better. For everyone.
The move into the new house was fraught with timing issues and working out something with the landlords of the old place as we were breaking our lease. When push came to shove, though, they were quite gracious and did not hold us to anything financial. It was sad to leave that neighborhood, but we were excited to get to our new one and a whole new adventure.
One high point through all of this is that we are both still working. The sucky thing about that is the commute. But we all do what we have to do, right? Perhaps 2011 will present opportunities to find something a little closer to home for both of us (or at least one), who knows? I would rather have a job that I had to commute to than no job at all...
Devlin celebrated his second birthday in our new home, but had already been edging into The Terrible Twos well beforehand. Still a handful, D is probably one of the most gregarious and active kids I have ever seen, with a very real and funny sense of humor. He is currently such a little tank, solid, and pretty much the archtype of a Boy. Our little baby is gone, replace by this always on-the-go little boy. It is alternately sad and amazing to watch. Welcome to parenthood...
December finally brought us The Twins, Keira and Liam. Amy made a great post on her own blog that was very detailed at http://devilgirltomama.blogspot.com/2010/12/birth-story.html, but I don't know if all will have access to it. Check with her if you really want to read it. The last few weeks have been pretty draining getting used to them being here, but also incredibly cool. I have a great many more pictures to upload, which may have to wait until the weekend now that I am back at work...
I am sure there are other events and incidents and instances I am neglecting to mention, but I think those I have included here are pretty big. Any one of these events would probably give someone pause...and I had to deal with all of them this past year. So, if I seemed a bit tense, terse, or otherwise annoyed...now maybe you will understand. I do have to say, however, that if it wasn't for my family and friends - and even those who are part of my Facebook friends list - I do not know if I would have been able to get through everything without some sort of nuclear blowout. With regards to Facebook, I really have to let everyone I know out there/here how appreciative I am for all kind words, for all debates, for all well wishes, for all updates, for everything. People I have not seen since high school have all been so kind and gracious and well-meaning. Sometimes it makes me regret not taking more time to really delve into those friendships and acquaintanceships when we were all in school. Its so very cool for me to be able to connect with all of you and get some small glimpse into your lives and I hope that 2011 brings each and every one of you much happiness in your personal and professional lives. Thanks again to all for such great messages, both public and private. It doesn't get said as much as it should, so please know how much I appreciate everything.
And I have to really note some special people in our lives, without whom we would be lacking portions of our hearts. John & Brie, Scott & Renee, Ashley & Jason, Heather & Pete for all of the love and support through our various moves, through our up times and down, for simply being our friends and not expecting or asking more than being simply being there for each other. Cat, Cindi, Jerry & Eileen, Nate, Teresa...I could go on but that would mean having to list about 148 people (or approximately the number of people connected to me via Facebook).
Happy 2011 to Everyone. Thanks to you all for everything in 2010.
S
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