Updates...

Oh man. I don't think I have ever been so consistently tired in my life...

While I really do not mind taking the ACE Train from Tracy into San Jose for my commute, I hate getting up so early and getting home so late. Now that Amy has been testing out her own commute solutions, we have had to examine how to drop off and pick up Lil D to/from new daycare. Basically, Amy gets up at 4:30am, takes her shower and gets dressed, gets me up at 5am for me to do the same. She leaves to drive to Pleasanton to meet her carpool that drives her the rest of the way into Palo Alto. I get ready and pack my truck up, then get Lil D up, changed and dressed, and drop him off at daycare sometime around 6:30/6:45am, allowing me to get to the train platform in front of 7am and on my way to San Jose...getting into my office by 9am.

This is such a drastic change for us. I am honestly not sure how long Amy can do it, given the stress. Both of us are examining what we can do to keep ourselves closer to home and hopefully a solution or two will appear over the holidays. Overall, though, we are doing well after the move. Still trying to get unpacked and organized because our schedules have interfered, but it has been awesome having friends and family so much closer. We miss our San Jose friends but are hoping some will be able to make it over on New Year's. Am looking forward to Christmas; actually having some money to spend on each other and the kids feels great, although I really wasn't too worried about it. It would have been just fine spending that time together.

Am hoping we can get the entire house more settled before New Year's so we can take some pictures and put them up. Maybe this weekend will be when we get a tree and put lights up...

Christmas Wish List

Its that time again and I know everyone has been waiting with baited breath to find out what Sean wants for Christmas (not to mention his 43RD BIRTHDAY, which happens to fall 17 days - JANUARY 10TH - after Xmas. No pressure...jus' sayin'...). So here it is:

http://amzn.com/w/2346P6HJ0RE1X

And please don't think I am only out for me; send your own wish lists to me via email or your own site. Doesn't mean you are getting anything from me, but you will have a better chance if you provide me with a list. After all, I'm a guy and we need to have specific direction when it comes to shopping for anyone during the holidays...

S

Obama...the great disappointment?

Well, not really. Here is a link to Mark Morford's latest, which pretty much sums up how I feel whenever I hear those from the rusting right moaning and bitching about, well, everything Obama-esque...

Obama, the great disappointment? The Miracle President hasn't really accomplished much? Wrong.

New month, new house, new commute

New month, new house, new commute.

Today is my first day back to work after our move and the break provided by the Thanksgiving holiday. Commute this morning was really not as bad as I had anticipated. The scenery switched out between typical freeway to rolling countryside, which made for nice breaks. I was shooting to be into the office by 9am and was here by 8:30. May leave slightly earlier tomorrow to see if that makes any difference as well.

Lots of stuff going on, some I cannot discuss as it would tip off prying eyes. When I can, I will detail. In the meantime, though, our move went relatively well. While we are still sorting through mountains of laundry and breaking down boxes while trying to organize each room, things seem to be coming together slowly but surely. My biggest complaint about having used a moving service: About $300 worth of Blu-ray DVDs and several PS3 games have mysteriously disappeared. I have literally searched through each and every box currently in the house and garage, through each of our vehicles, and have even gone back to the old house and searched through each room. Nothing. We have lodged a note with the rep, but I am not hopeful. Thankfully, Amy let me replace a few of the items and I can resume my addiction to Civilization Revolution anew...

Another frustrating incident involved DirecTV. I had set-up our move with DirecTV a month earlier, confirming what I wanted, which rooms, getting some upgrades to units and making certain they had our new address. The day the installer was expected, I was putting the finishing touches on setting up surround sound in the man cave (i.e. garage) when I got a call:

"Hi, this is [name not recalled] with DirecTV and I am here outside of your house but there does not appear to be anyone home."

My response: "Well, that is interesting because I am in my garage with the garage door up and there isn't anyone outside."

Turns out whomever set-up the order, put in our OLD address as the NEW address. Amy got on the phone with the and reamed them for about 45 minutes or so, got us some price breaks and waived fees...but we had to endure Thanksgiving with no football in HD. Bummer. Turned out ok, though; instead of the new DVR for the bedroom, we managed to get a new HD DVR for no additional cost. Sweet.

We got Sloan set-up for her new high school yesterday, but only after drama created between the new and old school regarding immunization records. Very frustrating. She started today, however, and I am looking forward to hearing her report about her first day. Devlin is doing really well, although teething like a monster.Spike and Brooklyn have adjusted to their new surroundings and it is helpful that we appear to not have any dogs on either side of us for them to harass or be harassed by.

Thanksgiving was great. Amy cooked all day (she had managed to get the kitchen cleared out enough to work in) and everything turned out perfect. We even had a pumpkin pie delivered to us from one of our new neighbors, welcoming us to the neighborhood, which was really nice. Had dessert that night with The Silveria Clan, which was awesome.

We are still getting our bearings and sorting out and checking into things, but I think this move to Tracy was worth the trouble. Time will tell, of course, but after the harsh year we have had, we are looking forward to new beginnings...

More fun at the expense of the MILF who would be VP...

That's right, I said it. Sarah Palin is a MILF. I dare anyone to disagree with me. The one bad thing about her MILFiness? Whenever she speaks...

At any rate, I found it amusing to read this take on how well - or rather, how poorly - her book is doing in The Bay Area. The comments from readers placed under the article are the best:

Bay Area Not Maverick Enough To Read Palin Book

Why America Needs to Go Back to Heavily Taxing the Wealthy

Sound familiar? This is an opinion piece from yesterday's San Jose Mercury News. A turn in this direction would be highly unpopular with most companies and individuals in California - let alone around the country - but the logic is good and would help. Too bad those in higher office are too esconced and in bed with special interests themselves to really pursue this tact...

Opinion: Why America Needs To Go Back To Taxing The Wealthy

Tragic is really the only word that comes to mind (Revised Link)

I think the original link to the video for this story was removed by the KTVU site because I did a search for it and could not find the singular video anywhere except where it was then attached to the actual story. So I revised the link in my original post, but here is the link to the story and video here as well.

Teens Accused of Classmate's Stabbing Death Appear in Court

Tragic is really the only word that comes to mind...

Not sure who or how many are familiar with this story, but it has been one that has been bothering me this past week or so. The kids go to a school which was an option for Sloan to go to and Sloan knows at least one of the suspects through a mutual friend. It is probably the most disturbing to me because of that, because of the age of the victim and killers (the same as Sloan), the overall tragedy of the event. Sloan and I just talked about this last night and it saddens both of us. I just don't always know what to do or what to say to my kids when they have to face these sorts of things in the world. I remember whenever I would get into fights at that age and - more often than not - would end up being friends with the other kid afterward. Never did I consider actually killing anyone. And I have a really hard time accepting that it is just a case of "different times". This should never be tolerated or accepted as "the norm". Never.

Video: Suspected Killers of 15-Year Old Boy Appear in Court

Open Carry Movement

I came across this story in The Chronicle today and found it very interesting. I disagree with some of the things the gentleman being interviewed in the video notes, but I have to admit to being an advocate of being able to openly carry my sidearm. I do agree that it would make others think twice before allowing an incident to escalate. I am curious, however, how it relates to each state's carry permit laws/requirements. I am assuming those are somewhat different in that one can carry a loaded firearm with a permit, but not 100% certain.

And no, I am not looking to intimidate anyone; I have come to terms with the fact we live in a society of idiots, people who have no general value for life, where people who share my own personal respect for life and who try to give others some semblance of respect and general benefit of the doubt are in the minority when compared to the rest of those around us. Does it foster fear? That is where I somewhat disagree with the individual in the video because I think - in many people - it does indeed foster fear. However, fear is a many layered emotion which can also be closely tied to respect. And, unfortunately, too many people simply do not respect one another these days. The government certainly cannot legislate respect...but one can demand it when openly carrying their sidearm. Too Wild West for you? I understand and totally welcome debate and other opinions on this subject. Get back to me after reading this, the article, and watching the video...

Article: Packing Heat at Starbucks For All the World to See

Video: Open Carry Advocates Maintain Right to Bear Arms

Sex Tape Tips from Carrie Prejean

Have you heard about this? Carrie Prejean. Remember not too long ago, this former Miss California and Miss America runner-up, got all sorts of skewed attention when she was asked, on-stage no less, her opinion about same-sex marriage, and her response was:

"Well, I think its great that Americans get to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And, you know what? In my country, in my family, I think that I believe that marriage should be between a man and woman. No offense to anybody out there. But that's how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman."

Well....this little vixen caught a lot crap for that. But it doesn't end there, no sirree. This past May, it was leaked that she had posed for nude and/or seminude pictures - which just so happens to constitute a potential breach of contract with the Miss California USA directors. Her brilliant response?

"I am a Christian and I am a model. Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos. Recently, photos taken of me as a teenager have been released surreptitiously to a tabloid Web site that openly mocks my Christian faith. I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be."

So, basically, she is saying she was young and dumb, but she's a Christian, so its cool? Hey, don't get me wrong...I love great shots of naked women myself. But come on...doesn't "17" sort of mean the same as "child pornography"? Ew. Double ew.

The latest? Yes...a sex tape has surfaced. Why not, right? Nowadays it seems EVERYONE has a sex tape floating around somewhere. Personally, I think this is sort of hot. She made a "solo" video for her boyfriend at the time. How sweet, really. Its what Jesus would have done if he was having a long-distance sort of thang with Mary Magdalene, right? Of course, this video was made when she was 20, apparently. I think I feel another "young and dumb" reference coming on...although that really shouldn't apply anymore since she is currently 22...

My point leading up to this? None, really, other than I find it immensely amusing that those who claim to have the most faith turn out to be the kinkiest little mother f****ers out of all of us it would seem! Although I have a feeling I might be a wee bit more jaded than most and actually be bored with the video...

Here is my buddy Mark Morford's take, written from Carrie's perspective. Love it. LOVE it...

Sex tips from Carrie Prejean
Hi, I made a sex tape! Eight, actually! And you can too! Praise the Lord!

I wish someone would just stick something in her mouth to shut her up...

At least this article actually does something of a real fact/reality check on Sarah "I Hunt My Own Mooses From Helicopters Paid For By Alaska Taxpayers" Palin. No matter which way you cut it, she still just doesn't stack up. I should rejoice, though, because if she is the future of the Republican Party, their death knell as a significant threat on any level looms large and loud...

FACT CHECK: Palin's Book Goes Rogue On Some Facts

A sad commentary about the employment - or rather unemployment - situation we are all currently still wading through:

S.F. Chronicle - Jobless Hit Particularly Hard

Updates - 11/16/2009

As the end-of-the-year approaches, it really feels like events are rushing at breakneck speed in our life. This can be a good thing, but can sometimes feel a little overwhelming. Just this past week and anticipating next week are great examples...

Personal/Friend/Fun Stuff -
Friday (yes, Friday the 13th...) was my old friend John's 42nd birthday. This year has marked a significant turn in our friendship and I feel we are really, truly entering a new phase of sorts. If nothing else, I feel that we have begun to understand and respect each other more than we have in the past, which is very good. He and Brie (his wife) have been extremely supportive and helpful with regards to our entire move prep as well as helping with some of the "heavy lifting" we did this past weekend.

Anyway, I decided it would be a cool thing to take John to lunch for his birthday on Friday. I was actually in Pleasanton for an interview (more on that later) and Tracy was not that much farther, so I was able to combine the two things into one day. We went to one of John and Brie's fave sushi places, Bluefin Sushi, and spent a couple of hours talking and shoving as much sushi down our gullets as we possibly could. The next evening, Amy and I joined John and Brie - as well as another couple - for dinner at Kyoto Palace in San Jose. We promptly took over the table and pulled another couple sitting at the table into our party, which was fun. We then traipsed (traipsed? What the Hell is THAT?) over to Rock Bottom to enjoy a beer or two before calling it a night.

A VERY special thanks has to go to our good friends Ashely and Jason for coming to our place - after a last minute request - to hang out at the house with Little D. He was already asleep when they arrived, but it was soooooooo nice knowing he was in good hands so we could actually get a night out.

The Move: Phase One - COMPLETE
We have scheduled our move to Tracy into two distinct phases. The first involved us renting a truck on our own, loading it up with everything we could handle on our own without too much heavy lifting - although there never seams to be a lack of that at any point - and transport to Tracy. The second phase will involve an actual moving company coming in with their own truck and handling all of the heavy items.

Sunday - while still a wee bit recovering from several large Sapporo's and sakes - we were up by 6am/7am (thanks to a certain small someone...), got our truck, and started loading it up with all of the boxes we had been preparing for the past month. We were joined shortly by Scott and Renee (who is ready for little Logan to get himself out of her tummy!) and then John and Brie. All of the help really made the time go back quickly and before we knew it, the truck was loaded. An hour or so later, we were at the new house, unloading. The cool thing? Our immediate neighbors came over to introduce themselves and also offered to help unload! As we were unloading, another neighbor from across the street came over to introduce himself as well. I found this to be very cool and a very good sign that we have made the right choice, moving into a great, family-oriented neighborhood. The first neighbors even helped us get John and Brie's old refrigerator (which matches the other kitchen appliances perfectly) into the house and set-up. I think our revised gameplan for the time before the second phase will include some final pack-up and another trip on our own this coming Saturday, using the Titan and the RAV, to take some smaller items to simply get them out of the way.

I think my only complaint about Tracy so far is that we have yet to find a place that offers to make my meat/steak/hamburger rare...and actually deliver it rare. Listen, people: Rare is NOT just a lighter shade of brown; rare means bloody. rare means almost purple still to me. Basically, it should almost still be moving. Flip it over a couple of times and throw it on my plate. Don't impose your rules or personal taste on me, just give me my red meat the way I want it. Or there may be problems. Especially if beer is involved...

New Job?
Well...maybe. As I noted above, I was in Pleasanton this past Friday for an interview. The company is actually located there, which would be awesome because that is much closer to our new place than San Jose/Milpitas. I am actually enjoying my current new job, but I know that, for the moment at least, it is a temporary gig. This new position I interviewed for would be a regular full-time position. Too soon to really comment on in any great detail, but I am hopeful because I feel the interview went very well. Should know this week if I made the cut for the top two they are considering (I made the cut into the top seven to come in for an on-site, so we'll see...). Will let y'all know when I know anything new.

That is really pretty much it for the time being. This is Sloan's last week at her current high school, so I am preparing myself for some emotion. Amy will be taking something of a leave-of-absence from her current position to help focus her search on daycare and other things while we get settled, and I will have to jump into the deep end of commuting from Tracy to San Jose the Monday after Thanksgiving (unless I get into this new position in Pleasanton, of course...). All of that, continued move prep, daily responsibilities, both of us working again...sometimes I feel a little short of breath!

All of that said, I do have to give huge shout-outs to Scott & Renee, John & Brie, Jason & Ashley, and say a general "thank-you" to everyone associated with our Facebook accounts, etc., for all of their well wishes and support. It is awesome to know that we have people in our lives who think nothing about going out of their way to help out, even if it is simply expressing support. Each instance of that means a lot to us. So thanks!


S

One more thing

Maybe I am cutting my own throat with some by writing this - another sort of "getting it off my chest" post - but I really have to comment how this whole moving thing we are going through, prepping for, and completing exactly two weeks from today has shown us who are true friends are. Some have fallen into complete and utter radio silence, while others have chosen to just touch base weekly or every other week, while still others have ramped up their contact and support to truly show Amy and I they care. The events and decisions we have made over the past couple of months have evolved into something more, something like a huge, invisible filter.

I value my friends more than anyone really knows. I would do anything for most of them, including showing up to post your bail or at least be right there beside you in the jail cell after the fight. This post goes out to all of my - our - friends: Call us. Email us. Support our decisions and be a part of our lives. Some have, in spades, and they know who they are (thank you SOOOO much to Scott & Renee and John & Brie for EVERYTHING...). But others...not so much. And while it annoys us, we still miss you. So don't drop the ball further than you already have, you freakin' bastardos...

I'm jus' sayin'...

"I used to be called Oscar the Grouch by my sixth grade teacher..."

That's my homage to Sesame Street this week, which I learned to love again - albeit from a different perspective - during my time of taking care of Devlin this year.

Updates, updates. Wow...things are really progressing quickly. With respect to our move: We (myself, Amy, and Sloanie) spent the better part of this past weekend getting prepwork completed, i.e. packing boxes and throwing some stuff away (never a better time to clean than when one moves, right?). The house looks barren in some parts, with sealed boxes poping up here and there, in bedrooms, in the kitchen, in the hallway, in the garage. The move itself will take place in two phases. The first phase will see me, John, and Scott loading up a U-Haul with anything and everything one person can carry at a time, namely the aforementioned boxes and some lighter items as well as some pieces I have disassembled (our office desk is 50% dismantled in our bedorom at the moment...). We will then drive to Tracy and unload and set-up our staging area and work from there as long as we can that day. The second phase will have the moving company we have contracted with to come in and load/unload everything that is heavy and too cumbersome for us to handle easily. This will free us up to simply be putting items away as they set the heavy pieces (beds, crib, tables, etc.) up in their assigned spots in the new place. I have never done this with a move before, previously relying on the kindness of friends and the promise of pizza and beer to push the process along in a single day. I have to admit, though, I feel very good about this.

I am a little bit sad to be doing this, however, as I have mentioned before. This really is a big move for us, made especially hard given that Sloan has only really ever lived in the South Bay (born in Reno/Sparks and lived for a time in Modesto and Oakland as a small child, but she doesn't recall much of those times...). I think Devlin knows something is up as well and has been quite crabby in the evenings. Of course, it could be teething, too. Who knows.

Work. Started a temporary gig with a semiconductor company located on the San Jose/Milpitas border. So far, so good, and it pays me more as a temp worker than EPRI ever did as a regular full-time employee. Additionally, I have an interview at the end of this week with a company that produces, markets, and sells construction tools and materials to that industry. The position is located in Pleasanton, which would be much closer to our new place than this temp job's location, so we shall see how that goes. They loved my writing assessment submission and were the ones to contact me, so it looks pretty good leading up to the interview. Amy got approval this past week to take a month-long (ot close to it) leave of absence, which she is greatly relieved by. This will allow her to research potential daycares in Tracy, spend more time with Lil D, etc. This choice helps to relieve some stress from her head as we get all of this craziness organized.

I write this next part with a very slight smile on my face because I am an evil little bastard sometimes (ok, most of the time). In one of my last couple of blogs, I went off on my former employer, EPRI, naming them and detailing how their actions in laying me off has pretty much laid the groundwork for everything Amy and I have been through this year, including the decision to move to Tacy. Nothing I said was an untruth; everything can be laid directly at their feet. What amuses me, however, is the knowledge that they read it. You see, I knew that naming EPRI in my blog would pop it onto their radar. And it did just that. People were notified, meetings were held, nervousness abounded...all from my little blog. I find that incredibly amusing. Really? They were worried about me and what I said? Some people I know (who may or may not still work there, wink, wink, nudge, nudge) were nervous about EPRI "taking action" against me. My response? Brng it on. As I have said, nothing written IN MY OWN BLOG - protected by The Consititution - was a lie. I have many witnesses who can attest to each and everything I have posted. On top of that, I am sure my fairly recently cultivated contacts at The Examiner, The San jose Mercury News, and The Chronicle would be VERY interested in the results of any "taking action" which might occur, especially considering the general attitude the populace has toward big buisness and it's actions/reactions to The Common man in the current economic climate. So - again - bring it on. Anyway, I find that knowledge interesting, disturbing, and altogether hilarious at the same time. Big Brother, indeed...

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I actually feel I have a lot to be thankful for. My wife, my kids, friendships turning new corners and growing, new starts. 2009 seemed a wee bit bleak - and it ain't over yet - but I am beginning to feel more hopeful for 2010. I can only hope that things stabilize for everyone and we all start to see some light at the end of the tunnel...

I need to get something off my chest...

How to begin?

This week has been a really good week. I had several great interviews and was able to secure a job - even if it is a contract gig to start off with - out of one. However, at dinner last night, Amy made a comment that really annoyed me. I was not annoyed at her, mind you, but rather with my former employer and more specifically my former group/department. As we conversed around the dinner table, Amy mentioned that my former group had apparently hired at least one contractor for the end-of-year rush which always occurs. How did she know this? Because she knows this person from his work in that capacity each year and she saw him at work this past week. He would not be there for any other reason.

Everyone deserves a job, right? Except that this individual already HAS a regular, full-time job and would only go back to EPRI (screw it, everyone knows where I worked anyway...) on a contract basis at the end of the year to help out with that rush for the extra holiday money the temporary position provided. Does this person offer anything I do not or did not? Nope. They end up doing the EXACT same job I did every day. The contractors we would bring in at the end of the year were simply hired guns to take care of the inevitable overflow of work our group would get because all research and publishing of reports, updates, etc., were geared to be completed by each year's end. These hired guns would be brought in around October and stay until the end of December or sometimes mid-January to assist in the overflow and clean-up.

Why does this annoy me? Because I did not receive a single call from anyone in my group asking if I would be interested in coming back to help out in this capacity. And I had even offered to do so months ago...to no response.

One may very well ask, "But Sean, you HAVE a job now. Why are you so annoyed?" Its the principle of the thing. I was a loyal employee for just about six years at EPRI. I did my job and I did my job well, as evidenced in my positive reviews each year, yearly salary increases, and yearly bonuses. In the end, I was laid off for no real actually good reason; the company simply THOUGHT they might enter into some difficulty later in the year and felt the need to shore up their defenses by letting some people go, or supposedly "eliminating" positions. If they were going to truly "eliminate" my position, why then bring in a contractor months later to do the EXACT SAME JOB. Call me crazy, but that would indicate to me that there was still a NEED for my position.

I pride myself on trying to develop relationships - work-related and otherwise - with people based on trust, loyalty, and mutual respect. I honestly do not expect anything from anyone that I would not expect from myself. Failing that, well, might get you relegated to the lower echelon of people I know. Over the course of my years at EPRI, I thought I had accomplished this with my managers and co-workers, proving myself over and over again with my hard work and loyalty. Apparently, that was too much to expect in return. My current situation is a direct result of the decisions EPRI made to eliminate 50 positions back in February. I have spent the better part of this year struggling with my job search, trying to figure out how I could evolve and improve in order to become more marketable. Our dream of staying in the South Bay and buying this house...shattered by EPRI. Their choice to treat myself and 49 other people as expendable assets and not as people they had worked alongside of - some for over 20 years - destroyed pretty much all of the plans we had been formulating to provide for my family. Our decision to move to Tracy is related to EPRI's choices as well. Everything we have done or had to do over the course of this past year is a direct result of EPRI's upper management selecting the option of covering their own lily-white, soft asses.

I had just sort of come to terms with all of this, sticking with the line from The Godfather ("It's not personal; it's just business."). But in light of this new info, it becomes harder and harder to believe that.

Ok. I guess I am done. In the end, I think this simply makes it easier for me to turn my back on my years at EPRI and even those I worked alongside of and move on, leaving them in the dust. Anger, bitterness, and frustration? Of course. But the overwhelming sense, what I feel the most when I consider EPRI and especially those I considered my friends and co-workers within my own group? Disappointment. I thought you were each better people than your actions have indicated. In the end, however, I will move on. Each of you, on the other hand, will have to get up every day and look yourself in the mirror and realize what a true disappointment you have become, shadows of the people you could have been by simply doing the right thing.

Peace out, bitches.

Ever wonder what it actually takes to get a job these days?

Apparently, it takes moving out of the area...

The past month or so has been, in a word, insane. Each day moves a wee bit faster than the day before. Events and plans have seemingly taken on a life of their own. In the past 30 days, we have found a new house in Tracy, CA, paid the first month's rent and deposit, started getting quotes for moving companies, scheduled a debris box to be delivered to toss all of our accumulated crap into, started packing, started the paperwork to get Sloan enrolled into a new school...and continued my job search and project management coursework. This past week alone, I have had one on-site interview and two phone interviews, one that wants me to complete a marketing writing assessment and then schedule an on-site meeting at their location in Pleasanton. To top it all off, I received and accepted a verbal offer from a semiconductor company near Militas and actually start work this coming Monday.

See? Insane.

It has been nine month I have been out of work. Nine. Long. Months. In the end, though, I can almost look back on it and say I was somewhat grateful for the time. Not for the lack of income it obviously hit us with, but for the time I was allowed to sort of examine what I was doing, what I wanted to do, and what I am going to do. I have been able to spend a considerable amount of time with Devlin and I can honestly say I am thankful for that alone.

This move has already been hard and we are only in the pre-execution phase. In the end, however, I know in my gut it is the right thing to do. We are headed over to the new house this Sunday to take pictures and video in an attempt to prep where things will go. Will try to post something that night or so for everyone to check out...

It never seems to fail...

I guess something of an update is in order, so here goes. This past weekend was Oktoberfest in Campbell, CA, and was ok overall, I guess. We (and pretty much everyone else we overheard) were disappointed that the Campbell Chamber of Commerce (we are assuming everything has to go through them as Oktoberfest is put on by them) decided to make the beer glass and mugs almost half as big as they were last year and in previous years...but still charge the same price for them and for beer tickets. I guess it is another sign of the recession/depression rearing its ugly head, but still. Events like this provide an escape from the day-to-day horror most families face, financially and otherwise. To give you an idea, I actually took the time to measure out how much liquid the glasses hold as compared to last year. I measured in millileters because that was the tool I had available. Here goes:

- Spaten beer mug and tall Franzikaner beer glass (both from the year before last as well as being the standard glasses available for sale with beer tickets for previous years): Each of these glasses hold 700ml of beer

- Branded "Oktoberfest" tall beer glass from 2008: 650ml of beer

- Oktoberfest 2009 Glasses: Spaten beer mug and "tall" Franzikaner" beer glass: A whopping 400ml

That is a HUGE size difference. I noticed the size difference in the mugs, first, when I saw a guy walking past me as we arrived with one in hand and I commented to Amy, "What sort of a pussy glass does THAT guy have for TODAY?". Little did I know I was about to personally find out as I shelled out money for them...

All of that aside, I think we all had a great time because - for the first time pretty much ever - we were able to enjoy it with friends who came out. Scott and Renee can always be relied upon to join us and take part in stuff like this, but we also were joined by Layce as well as the entire Silveria brood. The Silverias should be highly commended for attending as they had to drive all the way from Tracy and, unfortunately, were involved in a bit of a car accident when they were hit by another vehicle while trying to merge from 580 onto 680 (I think that is where they said it happened...). Thankfully, everyone was ok and damage to the Silveria transport was minimal. After enjoying some beers and checking out the various arts/crafts booths, we decided we had had enough and went to Rock Bottom Brewery nearby for an early dinner.

In other news: I am over halfway done with my project management modules and I may even be able to get a month extension on my LHH benefits to give me some more time to finish them up. Amy and decided to put Devlin back into daycare - at least a few days out of the week - to allow me to finish up the modules as well as to prep for our move. And speaking of the move, we signed our lease agreement and are currently researching moving companies. Both Amy and I feel a moving company is the best option given the amount of stuff we have to move and the distance we are going. Planning for the move is actually progressing very well. I am impressed with the order we are creating out of chaos and hopefully ensuring everything comes off smoothly. We are planning on visiting the house to take pictures and video of all rooms and the outside; we will be sure to post for everyone to check out asap.

And either as an example of the luck of the Irish, Murphy's Law, or some variation of Chaos Theory: As soon as we signed our new lease, I received two calls to schedule interviews. One is a phone interview for a company located in Fremont and the other is a confirmed in-house interview with a semiconductor company in San Jose. This gives me some concern given our upcoming move, but I certainly cannot say no to them, now can I?

Lots of stuff going on, moving fast. Try to keep up...

...and so it begins...

There was a time, not so very long ago, when Amy and I thought we would indeed realize our dream of buying this house we are in currently. More so than other residences we have lived in, we made this one our own. Sloan started and completed middle school and start high school during this time. Devlin was conceived, Amy was pregnant, and both were brought home here after Lil D was born. I feel it is safe to say that there have been far more great memories made here than bad.

But it is not meant to be. Our dream, such as it was, was destroyed when my former employer, EPRI, decided they had to lay off me and 49 other people in February. Even after this setback, we tried to keep a positive attitude because I have never been out of work for longer than three months at the most...

Just about nine months later, I still have no prospects. I have submitted over 200 resumes to various companies in the South bay, the North Bay, and the East Bay. I have had a handful of phone interviews and even fewer on-site interviews. As angry as all of this has made Amy, she has had no choice but to remain at EPRI in order to ensure a steady income. At this point, we have to re-evaluate what we are doing and how we can possibly shore up our reserves and protect the family...

Tomorrow, Amy and I (with Devlin in tow) are driving to Tracy to check out a couple of houses to possibly rent. To give you an idea of how much of a difference there is between the South Bay and whatever area one would refer to Tracy as being in (I would say it is more Central Valley): One of the house we are looking at is two stories, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, 1899 square feet with a pool...priced just over $500 less than what we pay here in San Jose for considerably less space. That seems to be pretty standard for the area; whatever we choose, we will end up being able to save anywhere from $300 to $500 per month. As much as we are saddened by the need to move, we simply cannot argue with those numbers. Yes, Amy will have to commute in, taking a train and bus to get to Palo Alto, perhaps driving one day, perhaps working from home one day. But the pressure will be off of us for me to find a job quickly; we can literally do more than just get by on Amy's salary alone.

So, that is where we are at. It is going to be hard, at least emotionally, especially for Sloan who is at that all-important time of creating friends and forming groups that may follow her through her high school and college life.

Coming up on midnight and I really need to get some shut eye before we get up and go in the morning. Will write something this weekend as a recap after we check these houses out and see where the dice land...

Jim Carroll Article @ Aquarium Drunkard

In keeping with paying tribute to the great Jim Carroll, Amy forwarded this link - which in turn had been forwarded by Cassie Carter, who maintains Jim's official web site - that features wonderful ruminations of Jim as a person, as an artist, as an icon. Also highlighted is an interview the author of that web site did with Cassie about Jim, the last book he was working on, and just remembering what an influential figure Jim was. Check it out here:

Jim Carroll Watches the Earth Recede

FlexXBronco - Volume 2 Sampler (CD Review)

FlexXBronco - Volume 2 Sampler (CD Review)

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Jim Carroll (08/01/1949 - 09/11/2009)

My voice has a quiver. A quiver is where you keep arrows until you shoot them.
- from "The Child Within" by Jim Carroll


I am sort of in the midst of having waves of sadness and loss sweep over me on varying levels of intensity as Amy just told me that one of my great literary heroes, Jim Carroll, passed away on Friday.

According to his official website, Jim died at his desk. This brings me some small sense of solace, knowing that he was working on new material and obviously died doing what he loved. I always compared Jim to Rimbaud, child poets who embraced all that life had available, especially the "bad". It wasn't that they wanted to rebel...it was that they wanted to feel life in all of its varied nuances. One only truly feels alive the closer one comes to Death. And like Rimbaud, Jim knew this. He had danced to the edge of the abyss, even dipped a foot in, but was redeemed through his art. His story writing, his poetry, his pure punk-influenced rock n' roll, surging from his heart and soul in an explosion of what defines true art.

I had the pleasure of seeing Jim perform years ago at The Great American Music Hall in S.F. I went alone and made sure to get there early, staking out my seat right in the front. I had a clarity of understanding of the quote I have included above as soon as he spoke. He spoke for about an hour, alternating between poetry and prose, spoken word at it's best, delivered with an intensity that only a few could possibly muster, and yet done so effortlessly.

I have to admit to tears welling up in my eyes as I wrote this. While many only know Jim from the performance Leonardo DiCaprio gave as him in The Basketball Diaries (if you watch closely, you can even catch Jim giving a cameo as a junkie, rapturously describing a dream to Leo in the depths of a shooting gallery deep in the bowels of New York...), I would almost beg everyone to explore further, deeper. His life, his words, his experiences are drenched in color and stab into the mind and soul in an effort to rip out your heart and show it to you. Jim's writing got me through some very dark times in my life, helped me to overcome whatever deep funk or situation I had allowed myself to fall into. In him I felt a kindred spirit. I know I wasn't the only one.

Jim was...well...he just was, man. Never assuming an attitude, seemingly fragile in body and yet coming to full life with his words. Sadness cannot really truly describe my personal feelings at this moment.

The world has lost a true artist.

There will always be a poem
I will climb on top of it and come
In and out of time,
Cocking my head to the side
slightly,
As I finish shaking, melting then
Into it's body, it's soft skin
- from "Poem", by Jim Carroll (from Void of Course)

Examiner Page

It is with some regret that I have decided to give up writing my South Bay Music Examiner page at examiner.com.

In the past month, I have honestly found it incredibly difficult to sit down and write...well...anything. Taking care of Devlin during the day while handling the domestic chores as I am able and conducting a hardcore work search (now moving into its 8th month...) honestly saps all creative energy from my being. I have always been a follower of the saying "Writers write", meaning that a writer will always find time to do what they love...but I think I need to set it aside for a bit. I have two final (for now, at least) projects to complete: a new review of Volume 2 Sampler by my buddies in FlexXBronco (a four-song EP that should keep everybody jonesing for new XB satisfied for a bit...) and reworking the bio for Barbara Wahli aka Barb Rocks (I know, I know...I really am working on it, Barb....).

My decision was sort of set in stone for myself today after making the decision to pursue training and certification in project management. This is going to require extensive focus from myself as the courses I will be reviewing and taking on are all online, with the exception of a book I ordered to help me prepare for the testing. All of this has been building ever since I came out of an interview having the president of this marketing communications group tell me that while he could appreciate my skills and experience in Marcom and Tech Pubs, he really translated my responsibilities as being much more project management oriented. That planted the seed for me...because I knew he was right.

So...thats where I am at. We'll see how it goes from here, I guess...

Happy One Year Birthday, Devlin!

One year...

It is really pretty amazing to me to know that tomorrow will mark Devlin's one-year birthday. It honestly does not seem as if it has really been quite that long a period of time. So much has happened - good and bad - that time sometimes blurs together.

He is sitting next to me in his high chair as I write this, fascinated with the keyboard on my Sony Vaio. I had forgotten all of the stages babies go through. it doesn't help that when Sloan was this age, I was literally working 12-hour days to survive, so I missed a lot. August brings me to about seven months unemployed, so I have been able to see and enjoy more...the silver lining in the storm clouds, so to speak.

I just read Amy's blog entry about Lil D turning 1 and have to admit to being very touched and moved by what she wrote. And it's all true. We tried for so long and had just about given up on ever being able to have a baby of our own...when we found out Amy was pregnant. Everyday has been special and full of laughter and fun that he brings...even when he hates getting his diaper changed!

While I have an obvious goal to get back to work (just had a phone screening with Brocade!), I have to admit that I am not altogether thrilled with it. Having this time with our little man - as exhausting as it has been transitioning into the role of stay-at-home dad and handling, well, EVERYTHING during the day - it has also been something I am loathe to give up. Having him pump his arms up high and say "Da-Da!" whenever he sees me is awesome. Thankfully, I have a feeling I will still be able to look forward to that even after I secure stable employment...

Happy Birthday, Lil D...we all love you very very much!

Daddy

Pretty much the most frightening night of my life...

I was already not looking forward to this week.

Besides this being the first week of Devlin staying home with me full-time (as we decided even part-time daycare is too expensive for the time being...), Sloan's freshman orientation for high school is this week in addition to a meet/greet BBQ for her to go and meet her teachers and other students involved in her Agricultural Biology course. Add as a cherry on top of this the fact that Amy was to leave early Monday morning to attend a conference on electric vehicles in Long Beach as part of a team from her work group. All of this and my continuing job search plus domestic duties for the week meant my life was going to be rather busy this particular week...

As I have mentioned, Devlin will be staying at home with me full-time for daycare. His last official day at the provider's was this past Friday and he came home with a slight sniffle, which turned into full-blown nasal congestion by late afternoon Saturday. The poor little guy was having a hard time of it, trying to breathe through his nose and fighting us tooth and nail whenever we made attempts to suck out the snot with his little baby squeegee bulb. It didn't help, really, that this weekend got so warm that we pretty much had no choice but to turn on the AC, which plays havoc for a bit with even my sinuses. Saturday night, he kept waking up from his congestion and all we could really do was try to suck it out, comfort him, and give him Children's Tylenol as he is also still teething a bit. Sunday day was slightly better, but by nightfall his congestion had returned. Amy really need to get some sleep as the taxi was to arrive to pick her up to get her to the airport around 7am, so I was up late with the little guy, checking in on him, going through the same motions as on Saturday night. Was pretty much all anyone could do for him.

Around midnight, I thought he might need some more fluids, so I laid him in his crib - after having just cleaned out his nose a little and sitting in our rocking chair with him a bit - and went to the kitchen to prep a bottle. Took me all of two or three minutes, maybe. I returned, set the bottle down by the rocker, and turned on the light to find Devlin in his crib having a seizure of some sort, not breathing, gasping for air as if he was choking on something. Scooping him up into my arms, I held him in front of me, his little arms over my forearm, patting him on the back, calling his name, and yelling out for Amy. Seconds later, with Amy saying his name and trying to get him to snap out of it as well, he began to moan here and there, but was completely listless; his head and arms were utterly slack. We grabbed what we could and rushed to the ER. I don't mind telling you that I ran at least one red light (after making sure there was no cross traffic, of course). I dropped Amy and Devlin off at the ER entrance and parked my Titan and ran back.

By this time, Devlin was drifting in and out of sleep, moaning and/or crying whenever he woke up. The nurse took his temperature: 103.4. How it got so high, so quickly, we have no idea. After some difficulty encountered with the ER's med disbursement system, they administered some Tylenol to bring his fever down and all we could do then was wait for one of the doctor's on duty to see him.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting (actually about an hour to an hour and a half), we were led into an area and were met by one of the doctors. She took note of the details of my story and informed us that - based on those details and what she saw - it would appear that Devlin had suffered a febrile seizure after his fever spiked. After examining his ears, the doctor confirmed he had an ear infection, which more than likely brought on the fever, which more than likely caused the seizure. However, during her examination of Devlin, the doctor listened to his chest, heart and lungs, and turned to us to ask, "You have talked to your pediatrician about his heart murmur, haven't you?"

Um...no. What the Hell are you talking about?

Upon seeing my reaction, the doctor backpedaled a little and tried to reassure us that it wasn't entirely abnormal, that it is very possible our pediatrician had not noticed it before because it was not very bad and are typically easier to hear during events such as illness with a fever (for some reason). She said they generally grade heart murmurs on a scale of one to six, with one being very slight and six being pretty bad. She said Devlin's is about a two on that scale. Heart murmurs and febrile seizures, she went on to explain, are actually not all that unusual in babies, especially boys, and typically go away after they reach the ages of three or four. She said it was a little unusual to encounter the seizures in a baby Devlin's age (they tend to occur at 18 to 24 months), but was not unheard of.

In the end, after five hours, we got some antibiotics for his ear infection, some Children's Tylenol and Motrin for the fever, and got home in time to catch an hour's worth of rest before we had to give him some more meds. After we got situated, I pretty much broke down from the mental stress and strain. If it had not been for Amy being as calm as she more or less was in a trying situation, recognizing the seizure after I described it from her extensive reading and research on all things baby-related (and having actually just had a recent conversation with another mom about this very issue)...I don't know what I would have done. I mean, I reacted as I should have, took care of business. But afterward, I basically came down hard. The seizure - as generally harmless as they have been described to us - was incredibly frightening. Amy did not see it; I did. I honestly thought Devlin was dying and I felt helpless in that moment to do anything to prevent it. I ran entirely on autopilot. It is like being in a car accident, in a way. I flashed on the time a car slammed into me while I was living in Reno; Sloan - about the same age Devlin is now - and her mother were in the car when a speeding woman came barreling down on us as I was turning into traffic. She slammed her brakes on so hard, her car spun and her passenger side slammed into my driver's side. I got Sloan out first - she had not even crushed the cracker in her hand as she sat strapped in the carseat, tough kid - and then her mother. That night, my body felt as if I had been beaten over every inch and my brain just shut down as I realized I could have probably died if the car had hit my side even in a slightly different fashion (the driver's side of my car was totaled). I literally collapsed into bed that night and felt tattered and bruised up the entire next day. That's how I feel today after last night, but more emotionally so. Drained, but thankful Devlin is fine (as he laughs at me in his babygon, trying to walk on his own, while I write this and prepare to go make his dinner...).

I have been involved in some events and been witness to others that scared me in the moment, but never anything that frightened me as much as this one. Yes, everyone is fine - even though we now really have to be vigilant about any fever Devlin gets as well as discuss what work-ups we can do for him with our pediatrician (neurological, as well as cardiological with regards to the heart murmur). But, overall, everyone is fine and doing well.

I would just prefer, if I have a choice in the matter, to not have to deal with that again. Ok?

Kung Fu Vampire – Dead Sexy (CD Review)

Kung Fu Vampire – Dead Sexy (CD Review)

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And now for something completely different...

After deliberating the choice for a few weeks, I went ahead and scheduled myself to take some day classes at the local (well, Mountain View) spot for The National Bartending School. I was (and still am, to a small degree) apprehensive because I am not sure how well I will do memorizing things like drink recipes, etc. (I'm an old man, remember?). Plus, there is the whole interaction with people thing, but I have generally done well with people who are drinking, so we shall see if I do end up getting some sort of temporary job out of all of this.

Today was my first day of "class" and it was actually pretty fun. Went over some basic things ad got to practice behind the bar, mixing some standard stuff like Margaritas, Bacardi Cocktails, Long Island Iced Teas, and my personal favorite - which I want to make and have some friends taste test for me, for the fun of watching them get shit-faced, if for no other reason - the intimidatingly named Adios Mother Fucker, or AMF. Overall, I had some fun, met some new people, and am looking forward to the next week to two weeks of three to four hour classes daily (except for weekends).

If I get out of this and get a temporary spot that pays more than unemployment, sweet; if not, well, I guess it is back on the dole for the time being (or supplementing as I go along between the two, as the case may be). Am not giving up on sending my resume out to anything and everything that even remotely seems similar to a match to my skill set. But I can't just sit on my ass; it only compounds any possible depression which rears its ugly, fanged head over my shoulder. There is an even more urgent reason to try and establish some sort of employment history doing something, anything: we have been informed that our landlord cannot sign us to another year lease next month because he and his wife need to consider their options to get out from under this house we have called our home for the past couple of years. They want to work with us to see us buy it, but there are some obvious roadblocks to that, the most significant being my lack of gainful employment! We have just under another full year to get all of our ducks in a row, so to speak, so we are working on it as best we are able, because we really love this house, this neighborhood, everything about it.

I know I have done my share of bitching about my former employer's decision to implement a "pre-emptive reduction-in-force", but the situation regarding our house really drives some of my anger home. There was no real need for it but their decision could very well affect whether I and my family have a place to live this time next year. And that is on the optimistic side as the landlord could always encounter something catastrophic in the coming months on their own end which in turn will affect us as well; if I hadn't been laid off, it wouldn't be as dramatic or terrifying a situation. So yeah, I blame them. I have been out of work since February, almost four full months, with little to anticipate anything turning around soon. It sucks, and even as I write I know that we still have it better than a great many others out there.

All I can do right now is be thankful for my friends, for the support I have received from them and family, and not get too bogged down in the details, just keep pumping along as hard as I can and hopefully it will work out, even if it gets to the last possible minute (my unemployment benefits are done in January...).

Just gotta keep keepin' on, mang...

Does anyone have a shovel and maybe a bag of lye?

I came very close to killing a teenager this evening. Not really, but the pimp hand cocked back once or twice in preparation...

This kid is only 13. What the fuck am I going to do at 16? At 18?

The biggest issue seems to be a general level of unappreciativeness for what Amy and I do and provide for her. Was I this way when I was her age? I don't recall, too many years in between. But I honestly do not think I was.

I don't even want to go into what brought the confrontation on tonight. I was so furious that it makes me angry all over again just considering trying to detail it here. But it led into other issues, and that is where my current frustration stems from.

Sloan has had a hard time with the divorce between her mother and I. To make matters even more difficult, I am relegated to being the disciplinarian. I know. Me. Who would ever think that one? But her mother only sees her every other weekend (I have primary custody), so that time is not going to be filled with any level of discipline. We just have to expect it.

But sometimes...

She graduates middle school in a couple of weeks and starts high school in August. If it is this bad right now, what is going to happen later on down the road?

Not much scares me in this life. This gives me pause...

Sorry. Had to vent...

Standing at the crossroads...

As I move slowly but surely to the four-month mark of unemployment, I find myself wondering what my next move really should be. Doing things "by the book"? Hell...at this stage I can truthfully say I have not only absorbed and done everything by it, I have contributed new chapters. Resumes tailored to individual job postings, networking as much as I can without pushing the limits of people's patience, being open to feedback, sending my resume to companies that are not even posting any openings...you name it.

There simply are no jobs out there. Plain and simple.

So, I am exploring what I can that may or may not help me to generate money while I continue my search. Monday, I head over to Mountain View to take part in the same bartending course Amy took a few years ago in the hope I can secure a drink slinger gig for the nights while still looking for a corporate job during the day. We'll see, but doing something is better than doing nothing and I just feel like I am stagnating. I send out a minimum of five resumes per week, often more than that, and get little response. Networking only works when the companies your networking contacts are at are actually hiring.

On top of all of this, we got notified this past week that our landlord is going to have to seriously look at selling our house because the mortgage modification approach does not seem to be working for them. They want to sell to us, but it is something very much up in the air. We could probably swing a down payment if we have until the early portion of next year (which is what the landlord has indicated, but one can never be sure, now can one?). The big question is whether we will be able to get a mortgage loan when our mutual credit is considered. So...we may or may not be able to swing it or we may or may not have to end up looking for a new place. Not a happy proposition when I am still currently out of work.

I don't know. Everything is so much in flux and discombobulated, still, almost four months in. Overall, we are ok. But I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Not an overly happy blog post, I know. But it's real.

Guess I will have to bury myself in the garden I am setting up and try to forget about it all, if only for a short time...

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Point 3 – Semper Sursum (CD Review)

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Point 3 – Semper Sursum (CD Review)

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Ah, sweet blog...how I have neglected thee...

Been a little bit, let's see if I can provide a coherent update of some sort.

This past weekend was pretty nice. While Sloanie was at her Mom's, Amy and I packed Devlin and all of his creature comforts (i.e. bathtub, highchair, bouncy seat, etc.) and hit the road toward Modesto. Upon arrival, we arranged to have lunch with some of the Fagans, which was pretty good outside of the lacking service. This was the first time my father, Randy, and Keith were meeting Amy and Devlin, so it was interesting and cool to observe. Here are some pictures:

May 9th, 2009 - Lunch w/The Fagans

Saturday, after some discussion, Amy and I decided to have this evening be the first time Devlin was to be baby sat by anyone, "anyone" in this instance being my Mom who had every intention of doing nothing but spoiling, kissing, hugging, and holding him as much as he would allow her to. We had made plans to have dinner with John and Brie in Tracy, which was exactly the sort of break we needed. What we had anticipated to be an early night stretched to almost midnight of eats (sushi, of course) and drinks.

May 10th, 2009 - Night Out w/The Silverias

Sunday was Mother's Day and we spent the day celebrating (i.e. relaxing) before packing everything up again and heading home to the South Bay. Dinner was a delicious pair of rib eyes...mmmmmmm...meat...

Have sort of also neglected my music column on examiner.com, but that will be changing soon. CD reviews for Point 3, Jade of Days, and Kung Fu Vampire are in the works as well as an overview of Left Coast Live, which kicked off today (music night is Friday).

Here are some gratuitous shots of Devlin to enjoy in the meantime...

Devlin @ 8.5 Months

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Getting personal with Jade of Days - Part Two

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Getting personal with Jade of Days - Part Two

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South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Getting personal with Jade of Days - Part One

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Getting personal with Jade of Days - Part One

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South Bay Rock Music Examiner: A conversation with Barb Rocks - Part Two

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: A conversation with Barb Rocks - Part Two

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South Bay Rock Music Examiner: A conversation with Barb Rocks - Part One

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: A conversation with Barb Rocks - Part One

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A dark phase.....

I think I am entering a dark phase in my job search.

In just under two weeks, I will have been unemployed for a solid three months. In that space of time, I have tried to remain as upbeat as possible, going to the Lee Hecht Harrison meetings to help me refine my materials and learn how to network, etc. In three months, I have had two interviews, both of the jobs going to other candidates. I research the companies in the area, I apply to them directly and through job search sites, I have uploaded my information and resume countless times, I have even cold faxed cover letters and my resume to companies. I have pestered my friends and networking contacts probably about as much as I can without pushing the envelope of their patience too much. And maybe some over the edge.

Nothing. Nada. Ka-Put.

There is literally nothing out there. The few jobs I have found have so many people clamoring for them that it almost makes no sense to even bother. And the companies are not helping. They are taking their sweet-ass time, filtering resumes out based on any number of things, and doing their absolute best to low-ball salary offers. In my own field, I honestly do not think companies even know what they are looking for or how to pay. I found one job listing on indeed.com (which pulls from other job search sites) which had a brief salary description as being "a great opportunity, paying up to $52K per year!" Anyone living in Silicon Valley knows that while anything above $50K is not to be completely scoffed at, it is difficult to support a family on. This area requires almost a minimum of $100K per year per household to live. One of the companies I interviewed with had a salary range whose high end was pretty much exactly my low end of acceptance. Now, one could conceivably argue that "beggars can't be choosers", right? But at what point do you sell off your skills, your integrity, your experience? Companies need to do more research on their own end and understand the acceptable ranges for various positions; I just don't think they are bothering to care right now, knowing how many people are currently out of work.

And it doesn't seem to help that most have no real clue as to what to call what I do. Is it marketing communications, technical publications, technical editing, corporate communications, marketing coordinator.....they have a million different titles for the same singular job description. No wonder they don't have a clue as to what they should realistically pay!

And then there is the level of professionalism to consider. If someone does not meet your needs, take the time to call them and thank them for coming in. No phone calls or even emails to candidates who didn't make the cut is just plain rude and unprofessional. At least one of my prospective companies sent me an email thanking me for coming in; the other has been hiding from me, not even responding to my sent email thanking them for giving me the opportunity to come in.

Its enough to make one doubt themselves and their own skills.

I know there are a great many out there in my same position and it kills me because I hear about more and more entering what seems to now be the norm: unemployment. When I interviewed Barb Rocks for the (unpaid) column I write at examiner.com, we were wrapping things up and she noted she still had to go to the bank that day to deposit her unemployment check. Guess what? So did I. Here we had had a great lunch chat-fest, talking about the current state of the music scene in San Jose, what is upcoming, etc......and we are both out of "regular" work. And as I write this, I see that my friend Andrea's fiance was just laid off himself a couple of weeks ago......

So much talent being thrown over the side of ships that are not even remotely in danger of sinking, but that remain clutched in that spinning vertigo of fear that is our national (and international) situation. I can't blame Bush (as much as I would love to) and I can't blame Obama; this whole thing was years in the making, and we are paying the cost right now. I wish people would call it what it is: a depression. That's how I feel. That's how others feel. Depressed.

It is telling when I hear from those (namely my grandfather) who actually lived through The Great Depression, to have them look at the current state of things and say "Hell, this is worse than what we had to deal with." Think about that for a second. Go ahead. It ain't pretty.....

Ok. I have now vented a bit. I now need to go back to my marketing plan and see if I can target some companies to level my sights at and get my resume to. Because no matter how much I bitch, moan, and complain.....I still need to find a damn job.

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Some great local bands and a couple of upcoming events

South Bay Rock Music Examiner: Some great local bands and a couple of upcoming events

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A little anxiety

I have to admit - even as confident I am that everything will be fine and she will have a tremendous time - I had a couple of small anxiety attacks this evening as we prepped Sloanie's luggage for her trip. Tomorrow evening she and some of her 8th grade class will be flying out to Washington, D.C. for the week. They will be taking in such landmarks and memorable locations as Mount Vernon, The National Cathedral, Capitol Hill, The Supreme Court, Arlington National Cemetery, The White House, and more. This is huge as she has never been to the East Coast and has been fascinated and wanting to go after hearing my stories about New York, Pennsylvania, and knowing Amy was born in upstate New York and lived for a time in Florida.

But I am not going with her, hence my anxiety.

Even as I say that, though, I am quite certain the entire trip will go off without a hitch (weather notwithstanding) and I know we have done everything to ensure she has everything she will need.

She will have fun and I am so happy she has this opportunity.

In other news.....

I had two phone interviews last week, one on Thursday and one on Friday. Thursday's was with a software developer based in Milpitas and the conversation went very well. I emailed samples of the projects I have worked on or directly produced at my previous employers and am just waiting to hear back to schedule a sit-down interview at the company's headquarters; I think I have fallen victim to the holiday weekend, so I am going to remain upbeat and assume I will hear back tomorrow or Tuesday.

The second phone interview also went very well and the potential employer is an architect firm that needs a marketing coordinator to develop and produce presentations and materials to be used when they go for bids. After the phone interview, the hiring manager went ahead and scheduled me to come in Tuesday to their Fremont office.I am excited about both of these possibilities but am trying not to get my hopes up too much. If nothing else, the interviews will help to get me back in the practice of interviewing......

But that doesn't mean I wouldn't take one of the jobs if offered!

Overdue updates

Wow. I have really been remiss in blogging, haven't I?

Where to begin.....

I am doing my best to keep on top of my gig writing a small column at examiner.com, The South Bay Rock Music Examiner. Still need to build that space up with more content, but I have some articles planned, including a couple of interviews, which should help out. Please keep visiting the site regardless of brand-new content or not as I get credit with each "hit". Thanks ever so much, dawlings.....

We are now in the third month of unemployment. Some days are better than others, as can be expected. I am continuing to attend regular sessions at Lee Hecht Harrison and am actually getting quite a bit out of it. There are so many aspects to the modern job search that I had no clue about.....and I honestly felt I was pretty savvy. On an even more positive note related to this subject: I had my first phone interview with a local software developer (nae shall go unsaid for the moment.....) and felt it went very well. I was asked to forward samples of projects I have contributed content to at past employers and have done so; hopefully will get a call tomorrow to schedule an official sit-down. Will keep y'all posted.

Sloan leaves for her trip to Washington, D.C. on Monday evening and I think we are all as excited as she is. This is going to be an incredible experience for her and I am so glad we made the effort to plan for it, financially and otherwise. Additionally: I can't believe it is already April and she only has a couple of months before summer break and then entering high school in August. It really does feel like yesterday I was helping to bring her into the world, as trite as that may sound. As hard a taskmaster as I can be (believe it or not!), Sloan is an awesome kid.

Speaking of awesome kids: Every day provides something new with regards to Devlin. Sitting up, trying to crawl, wanting to walk, rolling all over the place, and so much more. Those who follow mine an Amy's Facebook pages are, no doubt, very aware given how many pictures we post. And there will be many many more, I assure you.

Whew. That was a lot. And I haven't even talked about my feelings about a recent visit with my biological father and uncle. Getting to that, I think I need to first explain the situation again for those from my Facebook page who may not know what I am referring to:

Late last year, I took it upon myself to do some research to find out if my biological father - whom I had not seen in almost 40 years - was still alive and where he might be. It proved to be a relatively easy task, following up on information I gathered from my Mom and then following the leads provided by others on my father's side whom I came into contact with. In November, my father and I actually met at my uncle's - his brother's - house in Modesto.

Since that initial meeting, we have stayed in touch sporadically (I actually have more contact with my uncle, Keith, than with my father, but mainly because Keith is much more tech savvy and has his own Facebook page and blog as well). A number of weeks ago, I decided to go to Modesto for a weekend visit and arranged to have lunch with Keith and my father, Randy. Now, something that people need to understand is that my father has not always been what one might refer to as a "model citizen". By his own admission, he has been a drug addict (he is sober now and works hard at remaining so, such is his desire to be so) and criminal, spending a significant amount of time in prison. I knew this previous to our eventual meeting. Prior to this most recent meeting, I had taken Keith's advice and asked Randy to consider writing down the events of his life so that I might better be able to fill in some blanks and get a real feel of who he was and had been, warts and all. At lunch, our conversation took some twists and turns which took me a little off guard, but also provided some insight.....which is exactly what I had requested. While there were mitigating circumstances in each instance, my father admitted to me having killed. Try to imagine that if you can. I can assure you that the thought is far different than the reality.

I have taken time to absorb this, hence the delay in writing about it. I was torn, because the writer in me found these revelations almost overwhelmingly interesting. I would wager I could write a best selling biography based on my father. Some claim to be outlaws; my father was the real thing. On the other hand, it was difficult to hear my father casually detail one of the instances, however in self-defense the situation was.

Heavy stuff. But I cannot judge. I vowed to myself that this event in my life would not be about judgement or confrontation, regardless of how others felt it may be warranted.

I have made this blog far too long. My apologies. This last subject deserves much more discussion, but not here at the moment. Suffice to say that I am at peace with my decision to pursue this relationship and see where it goes. I am feeling some holes in myself filling in little by little and I feel good to have re-connected with the other side of myself, which I didn't know for so long.

More later.

Where The Wild Things Are.....

Finally, a live action movie from my favorite book of all time, which I bought for my 13-year old daughter when she was much, much smaller, and which I bought for my son before he was even born. Watching the trailer I can already tell I can't go to the theater to see this one because I am probably going to cry.....

South Bay Rock Music Examiner

That would be me, the South Bay Music Examiner. I am totally stoked to be given the opportunity to do this. I will be writing a regular article at examiner.com, the on-line site for the S.F. Examiner. Examiner.com likes to showcase the talents of people in the area who enjoy writing about topics which interest them. I figured, hey, I like rock music, let me see if I can put something together. So, after filling out some forms and giving them some samples of my work, you are now looking at (figuratively, at least) the South Bay Rock Music Examiner. My page is located here. No articles yet (at least at the time I am writing this blog entry), but the page is constructed, I have a funky picture up - which was actually taken at the club Angels (now defunct, and with just cause.....may they and their overpriced drinks and crappy attitudes burn in eternal hell fire) downtown the night of a M!SS CRAZY video shoot a wee bit ago - and a self-written bio and contact email address. Look for articles to start showing up in a few days or so (gotta allow for time to write, be reviewed, and posted).

Best part? It actually pays. Not so much that I can replace a 9 to 5 job with it (as much as I would like) or consider ending my current job search, but it is going to be something at least, while also being fun to do.

So check me out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6578-South-Bay-Rock-Music-Examiner and be sure to add me to your favorite links! And tell your friends, especially if they are into the music scene!

Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig oraibh!

Tabhair póg dom, táim Éireannach! Pionta Guinness, le do thoil!

Update (03/12/2009)

I haven't been as "regular" about blogging as I used to be. One would think that without the "distractions" of being employed, I would have tons of time, right? Not so. Pouring over web site after web site - both company-specific as well as job boards - actually takes up a considerable amount of time. Sure, I may sleep-in a little bit after Amy and Sloan head out the door in the morning, but I am usually on-line anywhere between 8 and 9am, checking emails, checking on updates I have received from job board sites, posting, emailing, faxing my resume out on my own. Sometime it can literally take most - if not all - the day's hours. Then it is time to try and address some domestic issues around the house (i.e. laundry, housework, dinner....). But I am, I think, making more and more headway in being able to manage all of that.

The job search is going rather slow, but then I more or less expected it to. Companies are fearful, and rightfully so. Plus, it can take companies a good month or more to actually sift through the plethora of resumes they must receive every day and pick out any few that may actually appear to be good possibilities to fill open positions and then contact. The trick, I believe, is to keep moving forward and not get bogged down in all of the small details or the daily frustrations. That can often be a tall order, but having run the gamut of all of that myself for a good month and a half now, I know it to be truth. My latest endeavor is to take full advantage of the services offered through Lee Hecht Harrison, contracted for by my former employer. I attended an orientation meeting this past Monday and have a one-on-one session with one of their career counselors scheduled for later this afternoon. What impresses me the most is that I firmly believe they will be able to assist me in fine-tuning my job search and refine my resume and interviewing skills. They are not there to find me a job, but I think their services will prove to be invaluable in my own search. Additionally, I will have access to their own job boards and networking sites, which can only serve to enhance what I am already doing.

That is pretty much all I will say on the job search for now. I have posted too much in the recen past which sounds like bitching and frustration, and that gets a wee bit old after a bit.

Other news: I took Sloanie to Parent's Night offered by the high school she will be attending in the Fall. I actually found it to be quite interesting and informative. It was also funny when the teacher/counselor giving the presentation touched on each and every subject I have ever brought up to Sloan when discussing her grades and study habits; Sloan sunk down into her chair a little when the teacher repeated - almost verbatum - what I have been saying to Sloan for the past 8+ years. We have to change around a couple of her classes, but overall I think she will be ready, especially since we have agreed she will be taking some summer school courses bring up any and all current grades (or what she endes up with at the end of the semester), but also to re-enforce what she already knows and keep it fresh in her mind; summer can wreak havoc on one's memory of lessons. I am slowly coming to terms with being the parent of a high schooler.....truly a frightening thing to consider.....

Devlin is doing well, adjusting to his new room easily. The only issue we have had of note was the night before last when he awoke promptly at 1am and stayed up.......all day. Amy had to take the day as a sick day because she was wiped out and we both ended up taking short naps here and there throughout the day. We are pretty sure he is teething, finally, but there is no other evidence than his obvious pain and crankiness. While it may suck in the short-term, I am hoping he has several teeth come in all at once and perhaps shorten the timeframe it takes for them to come through altogether. We'll see.....

Am heading to Modesto tomorrow to visit with my Mom, Cat, and see my Uncle Keith and father. Will be staying overnight, coming back on Saturday in the late afternoon so Amy can go to our friend Sherri's little bridal shower get-together. Saturday night will be a Boy's Night as Amy will be at that and Sloan will be with her mother. Should be fun.

My former co-worker, Renee, emailed me and has scheduled a lunch with a few other people. They had talked about taking me to lunch a week or so after I got laid off, but it never emerged and I didn't ask. I think it will be nice, but I am curious what work-related topics will be "off the table". I think this has the potential to be interesting. Or not. We'll see.....

Opinions and Advice Requested

I am going to open this blog with a note that I really, truly, honestly am seeking any and all advice and opinions from anyone who reads this particular blog entry. Whether you read it on blogger.com or after it posts to my Facebook page, I just need everyone to read it and offer me their own takes on the subject matter.

And that subject matter is: How to best adjust after losing a job and what the best approach is to kicking one's job search into high gear. Today marks one full month since I was laid off by my former employer. Since then, I have focused on updating my resume, investing in some interview-appropriate attire (I did not feel my work standard of the past five years - consisting of short-sleeved, button-up Dickies workshirts, jeans, and Adidas - would suffice.....), haircut, shave, and spending literally hours in front of my home computer sending out resumes and cover letters and registering on job search sites. Additionally, I have had several friends and former colleagues offer to send my resume out to some of their own contacts, which has been very nice. That is my present. What I am curious about is attending something that was offered as part of my exit package - a career coaching workshop put on by a company called Lee Hecht Harrison. These seminars are geared toward career assessment and consulting, giving one access to a job search team, and four months worth of access to their career resource network and its member sites. They do not find you a job, but seem to try and help one fine tune their job search and provide advice and resources to help one focus. As I write this, it sounds pretty damn good and I may just move forward to check it out; I know at least two or three former colleagues who are currently taking advantage of it and seem to be getting something out of it. I was driven to ask the question of its effectiveness after seeing a brief story on the local news about a seminar put together in S.F. to bring those who have been laid off together and - it would appear from what I saw - commiserate and perhaps network or even refine their interviewing skills, etc. My attitude about this story was, "Well, how can they network when they are all out of work?" But I guess it goes with the theory that perhaps they know someone who knows someone, etc., etc., who might be able to help YOU out even if they can't help THEM out. Right? Still not sure. What really sort of irked me was when the reporter was speaking to one particular attendee and the attendee said, "What you DON'T want to do after getting laid off is to sit at home, sending out hundreds of resumes....that's just the WRONG thing to do!" Um.....excuse me? Exactly what is the RIGHT thing to do then? I think it is understood that one's resume is not necessarily going to get one the job; it sort of brings you to a company's attention to perhaps get your foot in the door for an interview, but I really do not think it is effective working going out and about as a walk-in to company's, leaving your resume at the front desk, maybe getting to only four or five company's in a day when you can directly email it to any number of company's HR departments or fax it to them and maybe get through over a dozen per day (as I have been doing).

So.....what IS the best way to go about a job search in this day and age and in this particularly nasty economic climate? Has anyone else used a career counselor such as LHH? What are your impressions? Any advice anyone can give? At this stage, I am truly open to any and all comments and advice anyone out there can provide. And maybe in so doing, we can help each other as well as any number of others to really drive their own searches. Let me know.....

the Devil Himself - Bio Text for Press Kits and Promotion

As anyone who has been even sort of following me out here or on my Facebook page knows, I have been working on the text for something of a bio for a local Bay Area band, the Devil Himself. In the wee hours of the morning (ok...sometime after midnight....), I completed the revisions requested and sent off to Dave, their lead singer. Here is his partial response via email, which I received this morning:

"WOW FUCKIN WOW!! Dude I seriously don't know what to write in response to that!!?? You are very talented my friend, the guys are gonna poop themselves."

I made sure to get approval from him to post, so I would like to share what I wrote for the band with all of you, as well as to stress that everyone should check them out. The best page to visit for them is their ReverbNation page, located at www.reverbnation.com/thedevilhimself; it includes all of their information and upcoming shows, including a big one for them: CD Release show for their latest offering, the Way Souls Sway. This show will be on March 7th in Santa Cruz at Coasters (Boardwalk Bowl) with several other bands. Check out the details here.

So......without further delay.....the following is the full text for the bio I created for them. I am pretty proud of it and would love to hear what everyone else thinks.........

the Devil Himself
It begins with a low rumble, almost immediately discountable as nothing more than distant thunder. A trembling vibration which builds, akin to that which must have accompanied Dante in his explorations of the many levels of Hell. It grows, adding layer upon layer of sonic menace, building, surging, flowing. As it peaks, muted colors explode forth, licking the senses with fire, with passion, with longing. The ground seethes and pulsates around your feet as you realize there is no escape. All of your pride, your desire, your love, your hate spill out of your soul and surge back to embrace you as a lover. And when it finally releases you, as you tremble through the glowing afterward.....it begins again.

This is the Devil Himself.....

Formed in 2006 by Dave Christensen (Lead Vocals/Guitar), Jason Goldberg (Vocals/Drums), and Dan Burnham (Vocals/Guitar), the Devil Himself has fought the good fight in the Bay Area music scene, losing some comrades-in-arms and gaining new ones to continue driving forth their unique sound into the utterly corruptible minds of today’s youth, finally rounding out their gloriously dark and thoughtful sound with the addition of Shane Hunington (Vocals/Bass Guitar). It came to dark fruition in 2007 with the band’s first release, Pushing the Panic Button, a collection of deep, flowing, poetry given life, speaking to love and betrayal, lust and despair, of the struggle to keep that tiny light at the end of our darkest personal tunnels in sight. Evocative and insightful, Pushing the Panic Button spoke to its audience on much more than just an aural level; it was emotion and art swirled into one and thrust down their throats, lovingly. It is the human experience, the evolution – or de-evolution, if you will – of all our hopes and dreams.

A year later, See No Evil – a three-song EP – featuring the instantly memorable “30 Lives”, was mercifully released by the Devil Himself in an attempt to slake the thirsts of their growing audience. The songs exhibited on See No Evil bear evidence to the true power of the Devil Himself, turning the most basic of human emotions into powerful examples of true art, commenting on the hypocrisy so evident in our lives, in those we elect to office, in our friends, in our lovers, in ourselves and yet – through it all – moving upward and out of despair into the realization that only we as individuals can make the changes we need in our lives, that we hold the key to our own power, that above all else hope cannot be denied.

2009 is the year for the Devil Himself to truly come into their own. This is not a band to be brushed off; they demand much more from their audience. With the release of the Way Souls Sway, the Devil Himself will prove to all they are much more than simply one of the best rock bands to emerge from The Bay Area. No, that is not enough for them. The journey about to be undertaken will see the world shudder and ripped open, all pretenses, all masks, all lies torn to shreds.....

There is no escaping the Devil Himself.....