Proposition 8 Thoughts

Here's the thing, and I need to get this out of the way right off the top because I feel some people may misinterpret my position or how I personally feel about Proposition 8 and gay marriage as a subject: I support the right of ALL individuals to get married, whether they be straight, gay, lesbian, Martian, blue, purple, whatever.

When Chief U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker made his ruling yesterday afternoon, he leveled a scathing repudiation toward those who supported Prop. 8, stating:

""Moral disapproval alone," he said, "is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians." Further, he also noted that "...while Prop. 8's supporters argued that same-sex couples are adequately protected by the right to enter domestic partnerships, Walker said those partnerships are "a substitute and inferior institution" that lack the status and social meaning of marriage."

Ever since the decision came down, I have noted so many out here leaving happy messages about it as their status messages. And that is what prompts me to write my own note. I had responded to some - saying as much as what I am writing here - but there have been so many posting that I really feel the need to post this as a singular note.

Basically said: Don't get too excited just yet, kids. This battle is FAR from over.

Just because Judge Walker made this ruling does not mean the war is over. The groups (and there are many) who support Prop. 8 and oppose gay marriage with all their being had already prepared their appeal. In fact, just as quickly as Judge Walker's ruling came down, a stay of the decision was put into place. This means that regardless of this decision, gay men and women STILL cannot legally get married and their marriages are not recognized as legal by the state. I believe there was actually one lesbian couple who got in under the wire (they were obviously in position and waiting for the ruling to come down and completed their ceremony the moment the decision was released). Today, at this very moment, even though so many are so happy that Judge Walked ruled Prop. 8 to be unconstitutional...nothing

has changed.

And THAT is the core of my note. It means that the battle is not yet done. Every one of you out here and everywhere who support gay marriage MUST NOT BACK DOWN. Do you recall how and why the "No on 8" campaign failed? Look it up. It had more to do with overconfidence. Logical and reasonable individuals who supported and continue to support gay marriage sat back and believed that they were in a good position, that California - seemingly one of the last bastions of liberal politics and at the vanguard of supporting civil rights - would see reason and never pass Prop. 8. And yet we know what happened, don't we?

Someone I do not know - who knows someone I left a comment about this with yesterday - responded to my comment by saying, "Just let people be happy." Maybe they were referring to something else, but it seemed directed at me and my Devil's advocate approach. To them I would ask: Why should I allow anyone to be "happy" about this? That it is a great start and hopeful indicator is obvious. But do not rest on your laurels and do not back down and do not just simply "be happy". Make no mistake: Supporters of Prop. 8 come from all corners and are well financed and organized. To let your guard down for even a moment could very well mean disaster. "Happiness" could lead to becoming too comfortable with your position, which then leads to complacency...which then could very well lead to defeat.

Take note (from www.sfgate.com):
"Margaret Russell, a Santa Clara University law professor, said Walker's conclusion that Prop. 8 was based on moral disapproval of gays and lesbians was reminiscent of Kennedy's 1996 ruling in a Colorado case. Kennedy said a state law that barred local gay-rights ordinances was unconstitutionally based on disapproval of the people those ordinances protected.

Russell, who supports same-sex marriage, said the Supreme Court isn't likely to endorse Walker's conclusion that Prop. 8 violated a fundamental right to marry because the court hasn't previously recognized such rights for gay and lesbian couples. The justices could agree with Walker that the measure is unconstitutionally discriminatory, she said, but they might also draw different legal conclusions from the evidence he cited."

And even more disconcerting and something to consider (also from www.sfgate.com):

"Wednesday's ruling leaves same-sex marriage advocates with a dilemma. While they won the case, the stay issued by Walker means it could be months or years before another gay or lesbian couple is married in California. And there is no guarantee that higher courts will agree with Walker's ruling.

"The appeals court could take the case on an expedited basis or take two years or more to get to it," said Geoff Kors, executive director of Equality California. "I don't think we want to wait until 2014 or 2016 to get marriage equality in California."

As a result, Kors said, same-sex marriage proponents will proceed with plans to put an initiative to repeal Prop. 8 on the November 2012 ballot, a measure that would instantly make same-sex marriage legal in California.

That would mean a commitment of more than $1 million to collect the 700,000 or so signatures needed to get the constitutional amendment on the ballot and tens of millions more for a campaign effort like the one in 2008."

Again, I support gay marriage. I believe everyone should have the right to have a commitment to the one they love be recognized on all levels. But the battle must be taken to the foe, never back down, never become complacent. Because the enemy is watching and waiting for that exact response and will not hesitate on their end. Why should they? They have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Let's move forward with supporting the process to actually repeal the proposition. Support your friends, support your loved ones, support initiatives and give money to the fight. This has been a very small victory on a huge battlefield and while it could ultimately lead to winning the war, this is hardly the time to sit back and "be happy". Savor the moment, yes, and use it. To do less means to accept eventual defeat.

Reflections

As August dawns anew I cannot help but sit in quiet moments and reflect on the past number of months. 2010 has been a year full of glorious highs and devastating lows, perhaps moreso than any other year of my life thus far. At this point last year Amy and I were still reeling from my having been laid off from my position at EPRI while also weighing our options for the future. I do not believe we had come up with the idea of potentially moving to Tracy, CA, but we had been floating around options related to a need to move. Our landlord at the time was looking at selling the house we were renting because he was hoping to affect a life change for himself and his own family as well and we knew we were not in a position to purchase the house we had grown to love, where Devlin had been conceived and brought home to, where Sloan seemed to feel comfortable. I was doing everything I could to try and forge some sort of new path for myself, exploring becoming a certified project manager (a path I am still very interested in pursuing), going to bartending school and meeting some interesting and cool people, of trying to keep our ties to family and friends fresh and strong. We were planning Devlin's 1st birthday and were excited to see everyone join us for the celebration. My Grandfather was doing as well as good be expected, having great days, good days, and not-so-good days as my Mom dug in and not only managed her own life and work but also committed herself to my Grandfather's care (as she had done for my Grandmother years previous). I had written a short-lived column for examiner.com which I enjoyed but had a difficult time keeping up with as I felt my focus should be more for a) caring for Devlin when he wasn't at daycare and b) looking for a new job. We had discussed having another baby in perhaps another couple of years but were not really even thinking about trying...

Now, a year later, it is almost overwhelming to consider how our lives have changed. There is a lot of joy involved with many of these changes, but also a great deal of sadness associated. As some of you may or may not know, my daughter Sloan is now back in San Jose living with her mother. It was a difficult decision to make, to not fight further, to accept that perhaps this was something Sloan needed at this time in her life. My Grandfather is gone, finally at rest and no longer in pain. We have transitioned from being tenants and renting someone else's house to being homeowners ourselves. I am gainfully employed in my field of the past ten-plus years and Amy is still employed at EPRI. Devlin is preparing to turn two (but the "terrible twos" have been in full effect for a number of months already!). And Amy is continuing to grow as the twins she is carrying continue to grow themselves...

Thank you to all for your congratulations on our confirming the twins being one boy and one girl as well as for all of the condolences on my Grandfather's passing. Your words and feelings mean so much to us. Eight months into 2010 brought all of these changes...it will be interesting to see if the next five months continue the trend...

S