update. sort of.

Sorry for the lack of entries. Have been busy doing, well, nothing. And it is everything I thought it would be.....

Christmas was very nice. Relaxing, completely laid back, it was just me, Amy, and the little guy. Sloan was at her mom's for the holiday and the following weekend, per previous arrangement. Amy's Dad arrived for a week-long visit from Florida; we are heading up to The City tomorrow to partake in some authentic Irish Coffees from the Buena Vista as well as head over to Belmont (I think) from dim-sum. New Year's Eve will probably be low-key as we have to keep Lil D's schedule in mind, but out great friends Scott and Renee will more than likley drop by to keep us company and enjoy some holiday imbibing.

Work kicks back in for both of us on January 5th, but then my 42nd birthday hits the following Saturday! Sometimes it is hard to believe I am 42, but since I know I don't even remotely look the part, I can't complain. Besides, I am pretty damn comfortable with it. As long as I get good gifts.......

Speaking of gifts, I still have to detail all of the cool shit I got for Xmas. Maybe tomorrow......

More later. Tired now. Old age and all........ :)



S

X-Men Origins: Wolverine *UPDATED*

I know, I know.....I already did a post about "X-Men Origins: Wolverine". But this is a much better trailer, the "official" trailer, with sneak peaks at some of the other characters involved. Liev Schreiber as a younger Sabretooth (looking awesome, by the way), the character of Gambit making his first movie appearance (yes!), and The Blob. These are characters already WELL known by comic book geeks like myself and it will be too fucking cool to see how they are presented.....

This movie CANNOT come soon enough.....

And from Wikipedia, it would appear that the next movie planned after this one, again an "X-Men: Origins"-based piece, will be "X-Men Origins: Magneto".......fucking awesome....

Yes....I AM a geek........

Rest in Leopard-Print Peace, Bettie Page.....

1950s Pinup Model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85

As sad as her passing is, I think the most entertaining comment associated with this story was this:

"Whoa.....the afterlife just became a bit more exciting....."

funny.....

As an avid reader of the SFGate (the on-line home - more or less - since they also one for the main paper itself....) of the San Francisco Chronicle), I have my favorite columns, including those written by Violet Blue.

Violet writes a sex-oriented column which is quite entertaining, titillating, and informative. I got a kick out of today's, though, reading the disclaimer she included at the very top for the reader to take note of before continuing on to the main body:

"Note: Many of the links in this column lead to images of sex toys of varying levels of realism. If having a picture of a dildo on your computer screen when your boss walks in isn't a problem, that's great. But if it is, be smart and save these links for when you're not on company time and equipment."

Heh. Check her out. Latest article is here. She is cute, too...... :P

"The Devil made me do it....."

[The Devil - Lucifer - speaking to Morpheus, the King of Dreams, on the outskirts of Hell]

Lucifer - "And the mortals! I ask you.....why? Tell me that: Why?"

Morpheus - "Why what, first among the fallen?"

Lucifer - "Why do they blame me for all their little failings? They use my name as if I spend my entire day sitting on their shoulders, forcing them to commit acts they would otherwise find repulsive. The Devil made me do it. I have never made one of them do anything. Never. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them.

And then they die, and they come here (having transgressed against what they believed to be right), and expect us to fulfill their desire for pain and retribution.

I don't make them come here.

They talk of me going around and buying souls like a fishwife come market day, never stopping to ask themselves why. I need no souls.

And how can anyone own a soul?

No. They belong to themselves.....they just hate to have to face up to it....."

~ excerpted from The Sandman - Season of Mists by Neil Gaiman

Taking Stock

It has been a little while since I did an actual personal post. Not too awfully long, but perhaps a bit longer coming from me than usual. As I sit here at work, waiting for a Word file to convert into a PDF for me to manipulate and set-up for a project manager to review (ok, too much useless information for you to give a shit about...), I am sort of looking back on this year.

It has been a very eventful year. The most important and life-changing event, of course, being little Devlin's arrival in August. This kid, man.......cracks me up on a daily fucking basis. It is so cool to watch him change right before our eyes; every day he exhibits some new little thing, some new expression, some new sound. Yeah, it has been hard, especially on Amy, with the lack of rest and having caught colds a few weeks ago. We think he may be in the early stages of teething, also, so THAT is starting to get fun; we think some of his recent crankiness and new squealing sounds are related to that. But as tired as we have been, between work schedules and our whole daily domestic itinerary, it only takes one smile or laugh from Lil D to remind us of how cool all of this really is. Amy is an amazing mother, and not just because of what she handles with Devlin alone. We try to work as a team, but I have to admit that she does so much more work on all levels than I end up doing. Different tasks, different focuses.

Not really too much more to update on the meeting my real father storyline. After our initial meeting in October we have spoken a number of times on the phone, the most recent being around Thanksgiving. I have actually written a letter to send out to him, but I am debating it at the moment because I am not sure if I want to edit it down and make it less confrontational or what. Have sent his brother Keith - my uncle - a note asking if he can check it out and give me his own impressions based on what he knows about my father and his possible reactions. So we shall see how that goes and I will obviously update that out here.

Work is very busy. This is the time of year for me and the group I work in as we have a responsibility to get all reports and updates published by the end of each year. So my headaches have been coming with much more frequency and I am struggling with my patience and temper at times. We have a little bit of concern as Amy's sector/group is currently going through a reorganization of sorts and we are not sure if or to whom Amy will be working with/for in 2009. Several potential ideas are being thrown back and forth as we try to reorganize ourselves. Will keep everyone posted about that as well.

My Christmas shopping is done. I have focused on Amy and Sloan only with some short stops coming up to get some small items for some friends. We will schedule something with my family in January to do up in conjunction with my birthday, so we don't have to actually worry about them right now. We did, however, get confirmation that Amy's Dad will be coming out for a visit and staying with us for a short stay, so I guess we should consider something for him now, as well. Sloan will be with her Mom this year for Christmas Eve and Day as well as New Year's Eve and Day. Sort of a bummer, but one which gives me a little pleasure in that she has said several times she would much rather stay with us. Yeah, I know...I'm evil. But if you didn't know that by now, you will probably never get me, so move it along......

Would love to do more from a writing perspective, from being involved with local bands, maybe even taking up music myself. I have been told by the accountant (i.e. Amy) that I may be able to purchase my bass guitar and amp for my birthday.....so that is something to look forward to. After some lessons, maybe I will give the guys in the Devil Himself a call to see if they still need a bass player......:)

I have a lot to be thankful for in 2008. I have a great wife and partner, a cool teenage daughter, an awesome new little boy, good friends whom I cherish, and a job I can honestly say I enjoy (as much aggravation as it can provide me at times....). There have been some regrets here and there- for example, the acceptance of the death of a long-time friendship - but those decisions were ultimately necessary and actually provided me with some much needed stress and strain release. In the end...I feel at peace, more or less.

Had a really nice and relaxing Saturday night dinner and drinks with friends last weekend, did it up as a Mexican feast. I guess that sort of got me to thinking about the past year, not sure exactly why. Maybe because it made me realize how lucky we are to have some cool friends and such and while things are getting tighter and harder to manage on some levels because of the current state of the country, we at least have our friends and family.

And isn't that really what the holidays are supposed to be about?


Vaya con Diablos ~

S

Dollar Tree Boycott Update

While negotiations are still in progress, Dollar Tree has agreed to pay Taneka Talley's surviving family "...because it's the right thing to do...". Couldn't have had anything to do with all of the media coverage and the shots they were taking to their financial groin, now could it? Of course not......

Dollar Tree Offers to Pay in Full in Slaying

I guess we should all be happy they finally had some reason bitch-slapped into their heads.......

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Oh. My. God.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Movie Trailer
Uploaded by metin_06

This teaser seems to feature mostly shots from the first X-Men movie, but there also seems to be some new shots. Looks like the official trailer will make it's debut in theaters in with the remake of "The Day the Earth Stood Still".....

Sirius Crap

So, Amy got me a Sirius satellite radio set-up for my Titan back in 2005 for Christmas. I wanted it so I could start listening to Howard Stern from the start of his broadcasts on Sirius after he left "terrestrial radio". It was shortly afterward that I first experienced Bubba the Love Sponge, before then a known terrestrial radio personality based out of Florida. Bubba presented a show similar to Howard's, but edging more along the lines of "Jackass"-type stunts, sports talk, MMA/UFC talk, and presenting interviews and lots of shenanigans with various porn whores and random sluts (always entertaining). Bubba was hand-picked by Howard to follow his show in the afternoon. I started listening to Bubba as soon as they (Sirius) sealed the deal with him and - while it took a short time to get used to his format - I became highly enthralled with Bubba's show, listening via the 'net as I worked through the day. I listen to a variety of music channels, but the main channels I listen to are Howard's, with him and Bubba being my main entertainment through the day.

Almost from day one, Bubba tended to get fucked with by the Sirius management. Hard to believe as there is supposed to be no censorship on satellite radio. But Bubba and his cronies always pushed the envelope with their various situations and interviews, from guests to staff (imagine "Shock Collar Karaoke" or, another fave, "Shocking the Puss", where they would apply a shock collar to a porn whore's, well, "intimate of intimates" and give her a countdown before letting loose with the voltage....just a couple of wild things they would do....). The show has a lot of listeners who are truckers, appealing because of the generally redneck humor they employ. I personally always loved it when Hulk Hogan would come in for a visit or call, completely uncensored (Hulk and Bubba are good friends). I listen with headphones at work but it was always funny to me that I would find myself laughing really out loud - seemingly at nothing as far as my co-workers knew - while working.

Today, Bubba announced today was probably his last show on Sirius because of the way Sirius management had been treating him. He let loose with a ton of shit he had been keeping quiet for them, including the insulting way they "compensated him and his team. It is far too much to go into here, but I am sure you could go to his site or perhaps even Howard's site next week to get some of the lowdown. Bums me out because I actually am considering canceling my subscription. Oh well........I had to vent. Pisses me off because until Sirius, I had not really been much of one to listen to radio throughout the day. With Howard and Bubba, I listen all the time. Looks like I will be going back to CDs and iPod, I guess......

Throwing the Gauntlet Down

I just sent Dollar Tree a note stating exactly what I am doing and that my intention is to crush them to the ground as much as possible until they change their position on this case involving their employee Taneka Talley's murder at their Fairfield, CA, location. Please follow my lead on this. I realize that not everyone shops at these stores on a regular basis, but we have all been into them and probably know many people who indeed DO shop in the stores. Let them know about this injustice and ask them all to boycott all locations.

Boycott ALL Dollar Tree Stores

I am taking it upon myself to raise the flag and call for a nationwide boycott of all Dollar Tree stores and any other holdings they have. Why? Read the story associated with the link below and you will understand. Go ahead, read it. I will wait:

Firm Denies Workers' Comp in Racial Killing

My argument? Each and every one of us gets up in the morning (or afternoon, or evening, as the case may be) and goes to work with a reasonable expectation of safety. We do not anticipate workplace violence, as much as we hear stories about it in the news all the time. Overall, however, we get to work and perform our assigned duties assuming we are safe, that our company "has our back", at least on a rudimentary level. Dollar Tree and their worker's compensation insurance carrier are not being reasonable or even remotely compassionate. They are loosely interpreting Dollar Tree's responsibility in this issue in an overt and obvious attempt to protect their own assets. And it is contemptible and disgusting.

So, in light of that, I am calling for a complete boycott of all Dollar Tree stores. Do not shop there. And please pass this on to everyone you know. The only thing these fucking bastards will ever understand is how their actions (or non-actions, as the case may be) can and will affect their own bottom lines. I am not kidding or just "being Sean" and venting; I am dead serious. Fucking boycott these assholes. Drive them into the ground. Destroy them.

Tell me how YOU feel about this. I am genuinely curious. Thanks.

Album Review: Guns N' Roses - Chinese Democracy

Album - Chinese Democracy
Artist - Guns N' Roses
Label - Black Frog/Geffen
Release Date - November 23rd, 2008





“It don’t really matter/Gonna find out for yourself/No, it don’t really matter/Gonna leave this thing to/Somebody else” – from “Chinese Democracy”


Guns N’ Roses. This band – more so than any other – provided the soundtrack to my adventures and random excursions into decadence that was my late teens and early twenties. Their decidedly aggressive, punk, “fuck-you” attitude immediately ostracized them from the over population of glitter and glam that bubbled on the streets of Hollywood in the late 80s while also serving to endear them into the hearts and minds of those craving something more, something raw, something dangerous. I owned Live ?!*@ Like A Suicide when it was released in 1986, was the first person I knew (and probably in all of my childhood in semi-rural Central California) to own the original release of Appetite for Destruction (with the banned cover artwork by Robert Williams). I have seen them play live countless times, with bands such as Jetboy, TSOL, and Aerosmith. I have read (practically) every book – authorized and otherwise – and seen pretty much each and every interview given by all band members, both past and present.

It can safely be said that I am confident I know more about GN’R and am more familiar with their sound than perhaps anyone else I have ever met. And I do not regard that as an exaggeration.

The last “official” Guns release was "The Spaghetti Incident?", a fairly universally panned collection of punk covers which I personally enjoyed. And it was not long after that each and every original band member – with the exception of Axl – was either fired or left of their own accord, with Axl waging war to retain ownership of the band’s name. Outside of the singular contribution of a cover version of The Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil” (for the soundtrack of the movie version of Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire; longtime Guns member Duff McKagan has claimed that strife was so bad between band members at this time, one can actually hear the sound of the band breaking apart in this recording.....), nothing new was slated to come forth. Over the course of the past 15 years, Axl teased and toyed with a new version of the band – actually numerous new versions of the band with whole recording sessions being dumped and started over from scratch – promising a new album, tentatively titled Chinese Democracy. The glory that was Guns N’ Roses began it’s slow demise, the once powerful juggernaut of what had been fading into rock history as year after year passed with no new album on the horizon. As the joke went, many believed the world actually would see democracy in China before it saw Chinese Democracy….

Jump to 2008. 15 years after its last official album, Guns N’ Roses (such as it is with Axl as the only remaining original member) released Chinese Democracy. In what has become typical Axl eccentricity, on something of an odd release date of November 23^rd, a Sunday, and with Best Buy stores as the only retailer to carry it. The event itself is notable in rock history. But what of the songs themselves? Are they brilliant enough to give justification to a wait for fans that stretched out over almost two decades? Being 14 tracks deep, any review of this release is bound to be drawn out, if only to do it some semblance of justice. And I can only assume that if you have made it this far without your own personal ADD kicking in, that you will bear with me just a wee bit longer as I examine each song individually…..

Chinese Democracy kicks off with the title track, catching me off guard with a rather embarrassing guitar riff which reminds me of the opening of the theme to Beverly Hills 90210. But don’t let this put you off. Once we move beyond that intro, this song kicks into gear and never lets up. It is actually the perfect first track, catchy rhythms and powerful melodies. Prepared for the worst – and yet hoping for the best – this track allowed me to ease into a mindset that was wired to groove on some angry, driving Guns N’ Roses. My biggest complaint – which is pervasive throughout this album – is that Axl has taken far too much time and effort in layering the lead vocals and the background vocals (all seemingly laid down by himself) to the point that the lead vocal track actually gets washed out and lost here and there. Listening in my truck or through my headphones, this did not present as much of a problem as it did when pumping the CD through my home system.

There is something to be said for only minimal production value, Axl. Sometimes less really is more…..

The second track, “Shackler’s Revenge” (to be featured as a song or download on “Rock Band II”), was a shock to my system, and not in a good way. While this song is starting to grow on me, it has the least in relation to anything remotely Guns N’ Roses. A pumping electronic/industrial opening, crashing into grinding guitars, “Shackler’s Revenge” seems to be the darling of many other reviewers I have read on-line. Were these reviewers even alive when GN’R was at the height of their power? Again, it isn’t that “Shackler’s…” is a horrible offering; it just isn’t indicative of anything that could ever be an easily recognizable and respectable Guns song, not even coming close to such classics as “Welcome to the Jungle”, “Its So Easy”, or even “Mr. Brownstone”. This then brings us to “Better”, the second song of choice for most reviewers as a track to recommend for download to readers. And I actually have to admit, on this one, I agree; “Better” is a great example of Axl’s lyrical talent, although I could do with less electronica sparsed throughout (it just serves no purpose other than filler, Axl….). As much as it took me several listenings to grab onto its potential, I should note that my 13 year old daughter immediately clasped onto “Better” as one of her new favorite songs.

Not too bad so far, although I have to point out an obvious factor which is missing, one which is pervasive throughout. You see, the thing that made Guns N’ Roses so appealing in all their rough n’ tumble and decadent glory was the give-and-take that occurred between Slash and Axl. Axl’s lyrics can – for the most part – be described as actually quite flowing, well thought-out examples of his perspectives, his thoughts of the moment, his working through a plethora of issues in a fairly eloquent fashion. What Slash offered was a punk counterpoint to those lyrics, roughing them up and making them, well, much more real and providing a very distinctive guitar style to each song; to this day I think most people in their 30s or older would have very little difficulty picking out a GN’R song based solely on any given guitar riff. I know, I know…..I should not go into this expecting anything similar to the GNR of the past, right? But you cannot argue that my point is not valid; the two played off each other in such a jagged-edged fashion that made the band and the music what it was. Three songs into Chinese Democracy and I am almost overwhelmed with the production value and the drive to be “perfect”. Perfection in rock n' roll.....that is not always good thing.

"Street of Dreams” (performed live previously as “The Blues”) is FAR too reminiscent of another piano-driven Axl opus, “November Rain”. Acceptable and admirable on its own merits, but…..just off in the context of what has been presented so far. The drum and bass lines are respectable and decent and even the way the guitars soar and build is appealing. My own personal opinion, however, edges over to the thought process that if a song immediately reminds me of another song….cut the bastard. “If The World” is somewhat annoying in its jumpy beginning guitar opening spliced with, yes, more fucking electronica, before it finds itself in a funky little groove. Axl’s vocals growl nicely over this track, but I honestly feel there is just too much in the way of keyboards. At this point, I am almost getting angry with how much he has chosen to feature keyboards on this album. Don’t get me wrong; I am not such a metal head that I feel keyboards have no place ever in any song. But for a band such as GN’R, they were always used sparingly, opting to record their songs in such a way as to make them easier to reproduce live and not be dependent on an additional band member or equipment (of course, this philosophy got lost along the way when Use Your Illusion 1 & 2 were released and Axl exerted enough control and power to demand additions…..hence the downward spiral quickened its pace…..). Track 6, “There Was a Time”, starts out again frightening me with its production value and fucking keyboards/samples, but moves onward and upward toward redemption through the guitar lines and lyrics….

“And now you’re sleeping like an angel/Never mind who gave you head/If there’s somethin’ I can make of this/Or anything at all/It’d be the devil hates a loser/And you thought you had it all”

And it is at this point in the album where we really begin to see where Axl is heading with each following song: Near operatic building, layering upon layering of vocals and instruments, a veritable “wall of sound” applied to each song, hoping to lead the listener down the road to realization of Axl’s talent, what a great song writer and producer he is (or has become). I say that with only a smidgen of contempt and sarcasm in my voice as one really cannot argue his general talent. But come on…..

Let’s see if I can wrap a few tracks up here quickly: “Catcher in the Rye” was fairly forgettable and I could have well done without it on this album. It isn’t that it sucked completely…..it just wasn’t Guns N’ Roses. “Scraped” presents perhaps the most annoying fucking opening of any song I have ever heard and the song itself is probably one of the finest examples of “album filler” I have ever encountered. You can do better, Axl. “Riad N’ the Bedouins” again annoys me with the goddamn keyboards and shit thrown in to make it seem so much more epic than it really is and in the end…..I just don’t get this song. I will admit that I may need to give it a few more chances to impress me, but at this writing it has thus far failed to do so. “Sorry” was equally annoying in that it is such an obvious song, lashing out at, well, anyone and everyone who has ever disagreed with Axl or spoken out against him. And in the end, just not very well presented, at least not in my opinion.

“I.R.S” presents me with some hope, building upon itself with some very expert guitars and angry lyrics. This song, more than any other thus far presented, provides a glimpse back to classic Guns N’ Roses, being something which could have very well been written around the time of Use Your Illusion, 1 & 2.

That brings us to “Madagascar”, one of several pieces heard live in various incarnations as well as having been leaked on-line (along with “I.R.S”, “Shackler’s Revenge”, and a couple of others over the past number of years). Jesus Fucking Christ. Can anyone explain this fucking song to me? “Over produced” does not even begin to describe it. I can only assume – based on the lyrics – that it refers to several different things but mainly Axl’s frustrations with the world as a whole in addition to that which surrounds him personally. But the keyboards, the samples (throwing in snippets of Martin Luther King, Jr. as well as a sound byte from Cool Hand Luke – which it should be noted for all other reviewers who let it slip has already been used previously in another grand GN’R supposed societal commentary, “Civil War”). “Madagascar” then drops us into “This I Love”, a powerful ballad which once again proves Axl’s overall songwriting talent. The final track, “Prostitute”, is not really necessary, but I guess it was felt to be appropriate as something of a message to former band mates and naysayers alike, closing out the album with something of a defiant stance, not really promising anything further, but not really ruling it out either. That said, I think I need to pull back my “not really necessary” comment in including this song on the album; it is absolutely necessary and so very indicative of Axl and his particular psychology (or at least that which he chooses to present to us), proving to be perhaps the most blatant “fuck you” despite its seeming innocuousness.

On the whole Chinese Democracy is actually a very good rock album. The songs are generally well constructed, some harkening back to that classic style of rock songs of the past, others presenting an attempt to be something more contemporary. Its weaknesses lay in its overproduction, in its conflict with itself in presenting changing genres and styles here and there (no doubt an attempt on a per song basis to not sound too “dated” in relation to other pieces), and Axl’s desire to present almost every song as some sort of main piece, an opus unto each themselves. The songs – taken individually – are all actually good songs, some bordering on being great. But this is not Guns N’ Roses. Axl, or W. Axl Rose, or The W. Axl Rose Project…..perhaps. But not Guns N’ Roses. Yes, I am a purist but one has only to listen to what has come before and what has come now to realize that GN’R is truly dead. As a solo artist, Axl is very talented. I would encourage everyone to pick this album up, for curiosity’s sake if for no other reason and I would give it perhaps six out of ten stars. I may be setting the stage for some arguments here with my position, but I stand by it. Guns N’ Roses is dead. Long Live Guns N’ Roses…..

Check out Guns N' Roses on-line at www.gunsnroses.com

Listen to the full Chinese Democracy album on Guns N' Roses official MySpace page at www.myspace.com/gunsnroses

Black Friday

If you saw the title of this post and thought I was going to relate our own stories of shopping the day after Thanksgiving, well, sorry to disappoint. I made several vows years ago when it comes to the holidays, and they are pretty effective in helping me to retain much more a sense of sanity than many I observe around me. One, I do not travel during the holidays. I just don't do it. Look: I deal with literally thousands of assholes on a daily basis in my commute to and from work; why the hell would I wish to subject myself to that sort of bullshit during any particular holiday driving time frame, when the asshole (and not to mention utter amateur) factor is upped by, say, a factor of ten? Second, we do not go anywhere near a mall or shopping center of any sort the day after Thanksgiving. I regard those who do - and please don't take offense if you are a friend reading this who engages in this activity (but I would seriously urge you to examine your own actions and habits if you are!) - as lemmings with no will of their own, weak and only contributing to the impending downfall of civilization as we know it. Need some proof? Ok. Below is a link to the first Black Friday stupidity story I saw this morning. Go ahead.....read it and absorb the complete and utter sense of tragedy brought on by mob stupidity. I will wait.......

Wal-Mart Worker Dies After Shoppers Knock Him Down

Completely senseless, right? And yet I would wager money that each and every one of you can tell a similar story of rabid shoppers eager to get a deal. And all in the face of being knee-deep in a recession. Is a deal on a plasma TV really all that important when you are having trouble paying your mortgage and/or utility bills? Really. Come on.

Our holiday game plan: We buy nothing for our adult friends, focusing instead on any and all kids involved. We focus on each other: Amy, Sloan, Devlin, and myself...and that said I don't think Amy and I are really all that concerned with ourselves, more Sloan and Devlin. We meet with my family in January to enjoy a combined Christmas and my birthday celebration and exchange presents then (meaning we really don't need to shop until well after the idiots of the pre-Christmas shopping time frame have been greatly reduced in numbers). Also, we mainly buy on-line, meaning we don't have to go anywhere and everything is delivered either to us or to the intended recipient. We all have our own Amazon wish lists which also make everything easier. Additionally, we spent the previous few months bringing all of our credit card balances down to zero, meaning we have them to use if need be. Creating debt might not be a wonderful idea, but at least it is manageable for us at the moment. Having something akin to a budget helps too.

I love Christmas for the sense of family it inspires, the tree, the decorations, the weather, how many people's moods change for the better. What I hate is the need to become a rabid consumer the season (or at least our society and its arguably fucked-up priorities and expectations) seems to hope to inspire in all of us. Having spent more than my fair share of time wading through the retail sales trenches, the holiday season does little more than inspire dread and disgust when I see how many people act in that environment.

My advice? If you really must go out and about to do your shopping, try to put yourself into the shoes of the retail associates and managers you encounter. Be kind, be polite - to them and your fellow shoppers - and try to not just enjoy the season as a whole but to inspire it in others. As jaded as I am about it, there is no real reason why it can't be somewhat pleasant. Just remember that anything you put out there in the way of attitude and actions will come back to you - either positive or negative, your choice - three-fold. Or more.

Be safe out there.....I'll be thinking about ya while shopping form the comfort of my couch, with a hot chocolate in front of me.....

Devlin Patrick @ 14 Weeks

Devlin Patrick @ 14 Weeks

Highly Irritating Fucking Work Bullshit.....

[DISCLAIMER: This blog entry will be laden with expletives throughout, probably even more than one would normally expect from me. If you are easily offended by that sort of language, you have an obligation to yourself as well as to me to fuck off and stop reading now.]

I am highly fucking annoyed this morning. Upon our arrival into work, Amy sent me a copy of an email she received from the HR rep who handled her pregnancy/family leave. It is very difficult to explain in layman terms, so here is the text:

"Hi Amy-

I still need to deduct $1,844.57 of Larkin payments from your paycheck. I try to stay on top of the deductions but these were payments you received at the time you went on unpaid leave so I was not able to deduct them from your pay. I can take the deduction over several paychecks. Let me know what will work best for you. Payroll close is today for 11/30 paycheck so I will need to know first thing in the morning.

Thanks"

Fucking excuse me?

We asked countless damn questions before Amy went out on her leave, made arrangements to set money aside, moved forward with our plans under the assumption - based in no small part on the answer we received at the time from the HR Department - we would not be hit with a situation like this. Amy has been back at work for less than a full-fucking-week and here we are, presented with a "bill" we had absolutely no inkling or idea we would have to deal with. This comes completely out of the blue, and at the beginning of the holiday season to boot! Oh, and by the way, their idea of spreading this out over "several paychecks" was three or four, meaning in the best possible situation Amy would end up losing almost $462 per paycheck. At the beginning of the holiday season, with a new bill of daycare now added to our budget, this is near impossible to swing.

I just don't fucking get it. It appears to me like there is a bit of backpedaling going on here, like the proper planning was not implemented and now we are expected to pay the bill to cover their asses. Here is the explanation given:

"EPRI pays 75% of your pay while you are leave and Larkin pays you 55% of pay. Between the 2 your pay should not exceed 75% of pay so I would deduct the Larkin amount from your paycheck. You received a check for $1614 on 10/1 and one for $230.57 on 10/15. I placed you on unpaid leave on 10/1 so I was not able to deduct those payments (total $1844.57). Your PFL payments are not deducted because you were unpaid by EPRI."

Still confused? Yeah....us too. We didn't ask for that to be done and it certainly was not explained to us in advance. Had it been, we would have said "Keep the checks from Larkin". We could have set more money aside than we did. We could have planned for it instead of being sideswiped and laid out.....

So, as it fucking stands right now, no matter how it is explained or how seemingly logical to our HR Department it may be, we are still going to be fucking out a certain amount of money from Amy's paycheck that we had not planned on or expected to have to consider. All because she went out to have a baby and take some time to heal and bond with our child. And, on top of all of that frustration, it is needing to be addressed as Christmas bears down on all of us. Great. Fucking wonderful, morons. Thanks a fucking lot.

I am just so fucking angry right now that I seriously feel like putting my fucking fist through a goddamn wall. Or someone's face.

Funniest @#$%! Video.....

I couldn't embed this video, although if I bothered to look for it on YouTube, I probably could find the code. I got it off of Howard Stern's web site. I cannot even begin to describe it, but it is probably one of the funniest videos you will watch. At least for today. Don't worry....it isn't naughty or nasty, just funny. But you have to watch it to the end.

Go here for the video: http://wimp.com/camdance

My Amazon Christmas / Birthday Wish List

When I turned 30, I decided that subtlety does me no great service. I told everyone coming over to help me celebrate: Here is my list of wants; do not show up with anything that isn't on this list. Don't guess, don't try to be creative (especially if you aren't normally creative). And it has worked ever since. So, in honor of that, here is my Wish List for this holiday season as it also rolls into the time frame for my 42nd (yes, fucker....42nd) birthday:

Picture of the Day

How can you not smile when you see this picture?

Thoughts and Perspectives

Quite often, I think I am the strictest Dad on the block. This may come as something of a surprise to those who only know me outside of the whole familial aspect. The image I think I generally portray is that of a fairly liberal thinker. That alone would lead one to perhaps believe that I would be very free thinking with my kids. But, actually, even I must admit that this is not generally the case.

You tell me if I am too strict. This is what I expect from my 13 year old daughter:

- Do your homework, study for your tests, shoot for "A"s, settle for "B"s and "C"s as necessary, but "D"s and "F"s are completely unacceptable.

- No other kids are allowed in our house with her unless at least one of us (Amy or myself) are present. This is non-negotiable.

- Complete list of chores, which includes but are not limited to: "Poop Patrol" (cleaning up and disposing of any doggy poop which may be present in the backyard area); refill the dog's water dishes; dry or put away the dishes that may be present in the dishwasher (which is typically filled and run the night before); load dishwasher with any/all dirty dishes from the morning which may be in the sink. First bullet point in this listing (regarding homework) gets started after chores are completed.

- When out and about with friends, she is required to call before traveling from one friend's house to another or to any other location (store, etc.). The mall is currently forbidden unless an adult is present with her and her group of friends.

- Attitude and backtalk is expressly forbidden and will elicit a quick and terrible response in the example of getting yelled at or potentially grounded. This is not a democracy. However, that said, I am open to discussion of questions and ideas if I am approached in a respectful fashion.

- To her and her friends, my name is not "Sean"; it is "Dad" or "Mr. Thompson". There are no exceptions.

I am not a completely unreasonable person, but I am not my daughter's friend; I am her parent. It is not my job to make sure she gets to do whatever she desires to do, it is my job to make sure she understands what is the "right" decision and what is the "wrong" decision. As I said, this is not a democracy; it is a benevolent dictatorship. I do not negotiate, at least not as a rule. My job is to make sure this kid survives and learns enough to know that the world - while being a supremely sucky place overall - can actually work to her advantage if she pays attention and does not allow herself to fall into the pot holes which will inevitably be created in front of her.

Those basic rules aside, I think I am a fairly open parent. Things are different than when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I could disappear for a full day, show up at dusk, and my mom didn't think twice about it. She knew I would be fine. A simpler time, to be sure, hence my tighter controls.

Does this make me a horrible parent? I have to ask myself this question from time to time, especially having a teenage daughter in the house. I know that each year will bring new, more frightening (for me) changes. Additionally, I have to evaluate if my approach has more to do with her being a girl; I am not sure I will have the same rules for Lil D. I might, but - as sexist as it sounds - boys are different considerations.

Feel free to comment. ON a somewhat - but not completely - related note: Today was our first "dry run" (more or less) of Lil D going to daycare. He will be there for only a few hours before Amy picks him up, a little longer tomorrow, and then again some time on Friday. This will serve to hopefully help him to become more acclimated to the whole new thing. Will also help us to get used to the idea. Overall, Amy has done really well with it. It helps that we feel very confident we selected the right person for daycare. With luck, Amy will be able to find something that will allow her to work from home, but even in THAT case we would more the likely still have him go to daycare a couple of days during the week. Still, I long for the freedom I experienced as a child myself. Generally, I was a latch-key kid at certain points, but for the most part there was always a parent at home. And we were not poverty stricken. Just doesn't seem to work out that way (at least not in the Bay Area.....) unless you come to terms with never having any money.

Those are my thoughts as I wrap up my lunch break. Tawk amongst yo-selfs.....

Farewell to Douchebags

.....and like a bolt of lightning sent by Zeus himself to prove me right.....

Check out the subject of Obama's very first press conference, as President-Elect, not even as President yet.....

CHICAGO - President-elect Barack Obama said Friday that the country is facing the greatest economic challenge of our lifetime and "we're going to have to act swiftly to resolve it."

Flanked by members of his economic advisory board, Obama held his first press conference as president-elect, stressing that the focus of his efforts would be the struggling middle class.

"We need a rescue plan for the middle class that invests in immediate efforts to create jobs and provides relief to families that are watching their paychecks shrink and their life savings disappear," Obama said in his opening statement before taking questions.....

Now that the dust has settled, more or less.....

That giddy sense of euphoria is a dizzying thing. When I sit down and truly consider the fact that we as a country - by a majority that could not even remotely be argued - elected the nation's first African-American president, swept away much of the moldy evangelical, hate-spewing representatives of the GOP from the House and Senate, legalized medical marijuana in one state, and shot down potential abortion notification propositions.....I get a little misty-eyed.

The one downer? The sore losers of the GOP support base. Even those higher-ups in the party cannot seem to accept they have been roundly bitch-slapped, instead focusing on emoting a "sour grapes" attitude, talking about how much higher taxes are going to be, how "we shall see", and "history will tell", etc., et-fucking-cetera.

Here's the thing, my Republican friends (whom I must throw a disclaimer about right here: I love you all to death, but y'all need to wake the fuck up.....):

- Taxes were going to have to go up regardless of who was elected. Doubt me? Then consider the events that have led up to this momentous time: Two failing - yes, failing - wars which are costing approximately ten million (or was it billion) American dollars per month when one of the countries (Iraq) has a 90+ billion dollar surplus in it's coffers. This is in combination that the American public as a whole DO NOT WANT TO BE DEALING WITH THIS FUCKING SHIT ANYMORE. Wonder why your little bitch-boy Bush's approval ratings are so low? Well, outside of not being able to balance any sort of budget or speak without stumbling over the simplest of words/phrases, he keeps insisting these two wars are "winnable" when the reality is that the Taliban has regained power in Afghanistan because he decided to fucking "double-down" with Iraq and now no one, NO ONE, wants us over there anymore. Our credibility as a country has been driven into Hell. We need to pull out of both countries and let them each figure the shit out for themselves. If they need help, they can ask us and the U.N. But otherwise, get the Hell out. If they all kill each other, well, would that honestly be a horrible thing? I mean, seriously, that's all WE are doing! Let them do it to each other themselves.....at least THAT way no one can blame America for their bullshit.....

- The single largest "bailout" (which, by the way, runs contrary to everything a supposedly "free enterprise" Republican like John McCain actually believed in.....) of the nation's financial institutions. This also amounts to a form of socialism, whether you wish to accept that or not, and was NOT proposed by either Independents or Democrats; it was the brainchild of the figurative head of the GOP for the past 8 years, George W. Bush. And before anyone starts pointing fingers at Obama and other Democrats for signing off on it: there really was no other choice. While the Republican contingent had their own reasons - perhaps more financially motivated with special interest abounding - the Dems felt they needed to provide something to the American public in the way of relief. The biggest problem now? Banks are taking advantage of it and tightening up their loaning restrictions when the entire plan was meant to loosen their purse strings and allow for an easier flow of cash to the public, which would then - in turn - assist in bolstering the stock markets worldwide.

- When Bush came into office, Clinton - love him or hate him - had left the country with the largest budget surplus in American history. By contrast, Bush - a member of a party traditionally known to be conservative in their spending - not only wiped that surplus out, but created the single largest budget deficit in American history. Way to go, Neocons!

- Because the bailout is not being applied on the level it should be, people are still losing their homes and the value of houses is continuing to go down. This means that Obama - working with the government as a whole - will now have to re-examine what was drafted and apply some sort of aid package to stabilize the housing market and keep citizens in their homes (which, by the way, will not go over well with any or all of this nation's banks and credit unions because it will force them to back the fuck off; anyone speaking on behalf of a bank/credit union will tell you "Well, see here: we don't LIKE foreclosing on any property because it means we then have to turn around and take a loss on it when we end up selling it at auction or to an individual at a greatly reduced price point....." Yeah? Well, that sure as fuck doesn't stop you from DOING it, now does it?)

Taxes were going to have to go up regardless. These same people will also move through the next four years, criticizing Obama's each and every move monthly if things don't move fast enough for them, not taking into account that their own party, the GOP, have left this country in such a shithole that it will take at LEAST two terms to clean up the mess and perhaps bring things to something similar to an even keel.....

And if Sarah Palin is supposed to be the GOP's future for 2012, all I can say is "Hallelujah!" because THAT particular approach will do nothing but ENSURE that Obama has two terms. Maybe we can adjust the Constitution to give him an extra term.....

hmmmmmmm....

......well, I WAS gonna buy "Rock Band II" for my PS3.....but I don't see any ads for that game featuring barely dressed super models.....

I may have to re-evaluate.....

History

Faith Restored

My faith in this country has been restored this evening. That is pretty much all I have to say.....

The 44th President Of The United States: Barack Obama

Personal Beliefs and The Sean Doctrine

I thought I would share with everyone an email reply I sent to my Mom today. Whenever she makes a comment that references "God" or "prayer" or her "faith", she tends to say something to the effect of "....you probably don't want to hear this...", because the impression I give is that I hold God and those who call themselves Christians in such low regard. This isn't actually the case, although I must admit to being somewhat critical of those topics (and people). So, at the risk of tarnishing my "devilish" image, here was my email to her for your perusal; please feel free to comment as the need arises:

Just so you know, I do not have any problem with anyone referencing God or prayer. While I tend to lean toward being Agnostic, it isn't that I have a problem with God, per se; it's any and all forms of organized religion, especially those who attempt to lead their flocks into the maelstrom of the political fray. There was a very solid reason our forefathers dictated "separation of church and state" and that position should be held in the highest regard. I do not like any person or group of people who think that because they worship their version of some invisible man who lives in the sky that they are either better than me or believe they have some sort of divine right to tell me what I should and should not believe. Their blood is just as red as mine. Someone like yourself has a much more pure relationship with God and you truly gain strength from it; that is something I can appreciate and respect. But anyone who would harm anyone else or deny rights to anyone or any group of people in God's name deserves nothing but derision and disrespect from me. God doesn't give a shit about anyone's politics; he loves everyone, in spite of the fact that most of the monkeys in this world are completely undeserving of that sort of unconditional love. He is color blind, cares nothing about what two people do behind closed doors - as long as they love and respect each other and do no harm to anyone else. I can and do respect any and all who exhibit a true and open attitude to others while enjoying their own specific faith; just don't push your ideas onto me. I have explored and read enough to have been able to make my own choices and I allow that to flow into my children so they can make their own choices as well without simply being a lemming who follows. Not to put too fine a point on it, but "The Devil" to me represents Man's inherent nature, that of rebellion, of chaos, of constant change, of the desire - and sometimes enjoyment - of shocking those who need a tweak in the ass every now and then. Those attributes are not necessarily bad things, you must admit. They are aspects of our basic natures which allow us to move forward, to tear down conventions, to change. It amuses me because it caters to my deeply held belief that we must all never become complacent, we must never close our eyes and simply "accept" how anything is. Sometimes it is necessary to push people down and force them to re-evaluate, figuratively as well as literally at times.

In short, God loves everyone without conditions. And, if anyone claims to be a "Christian" or one of the "faithful" to me, they had better back it up by showing they have the tolerance, the grace, and the patience to truly be an example of that. Basically, don't assume that you are better than anyone else simply based on your beliefs.

So, you should never feel you have to disclaimer anything you say that veers into referencing God with ".....I know you may not want to hear this but.....". Just understand and accept that we have different views. I already do that. We have never really addressed that previously and I felt the need to do so now, for whatever reason. Not attacking or arguing.....simply letting you know that you do not have to disclaimer anything around me because I know you and I know your faith is pure in your heart. Just allow me the occasional role of "devil's advocate" (to coin a term.....), for the sake of debate and argument, as it can often be entertaining..... :)

Proposition 8

I was reminded that I wanted to write something about this issue when I scrolled down to the bottom of my page out here and saw that the Google Ad-Sense application I have installed had placed a "Yes on 8" banner advertisement.

That irritated me. Fuckers.

I will admit that throughout my life, I have not been a shining example of tolerance. I have made jokes at the expense of gay men and women, both those I have known and those I have not known. But as I have grow older and more people enter my life, I have come to understand how my lighthearted attempts at humor on those occasions actually truly hurt those who were the butt of such barbed jests. In short, I like to think I have evolved a bit and can sympathize with the difficulty such individuals face such as this latest proposition which snaked it's way onto the California ballot and will be voted on tomorrow.

In the event you have spent your life under a rock or simply have felt it did not apply to you so why bother reading the news stories about it further, here it is in a nutshell: In 2000, voters passed Proposition 22 with a 61% majority. Before Prop 22 was brought before the voters, Section 300 barred California from recognizing same-sex marriages as legal and valid, defining marriage as ".....a personal relation arising out of a civil contract between a man and a woman, to which the consent of the parties capable of making that contract is necessary." A separate section (308) noted ".....A marriage contracted outside this state that would be valid by the laws of the jurisdiction in which the marriage was contracted is valid in this state." This basically was viewed by those supporting Proposition 22 as something of a loophole. With the passage of Proposition 22, a new section - numbered as 308.5 - is definitive in it's wording as ".....Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."

Despite the passage of Proposition 22, on May 15, 2008, the California Supreme Court struck down this initiative and related California law in a 4-3 decision, giving same-sex couples the right to marry.

Now we face Proposition 8. This is yet another attempt by the right-wing Christian Conservative base to effect discrimination against gays and lesbians, since they were bitch-slapped by the state Supreme Court. If it passes, Prop 8 would ".....change the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California." A new section would be added stating ".....only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." This proposition is being supported by all of the same whack jobs who want to overturn Roe v. Wade (which will never happen, so give it up) and who claim that gays marrying is a sign of the Apocalypse.

Give me a fucking break.

When I have confronted several people on this issue, they all say the same thing: "Well, it isn't that we are trying to discriminate against anyone....but why do they have to call it marriage? Why can't they call it something else?" This strikes me as being akin to saying "I'm not a bigot or racist.....I have black/Asian/Mexican friends.....".

The passage of Prop 8 would be the sanctioning of discrimination, plain and simple. I can appreciate that you may not agree with an individual's lifestyle, but how can you call yourself a true Christian when the entire concept of a Christian God is based on love? This does not mean God loves only YOU.....it means that God loves ALL PEOPLE. And if two people are in love - regardless of color, religion, or sexual orientation - shouldn't they have the same right to marry as YOU do? How is their committing to each other affecting you? Do you honestly believe it somehow lessons your own marriage? It was not all that long ago that African American people were not allowed to marry anyone outside of their own race. That had been the law. But somehow, somewhere along the road, more intelligent individuals prevailed and realized that was bullshit racisim and struck it down. For years, Armenians and other immigrants were barred from buying land in the Central Valley of California, simply based on their ethnic background. Do you think that would fly in today's world?

I am Agnostic, bordering on Atheist. I believe the Bible to be a work of fiction, some great stories that served a larger purpose of keeping the general populace in control with some fairly specific laws. But it was written thousands of years ago. It is no longer relevant to today's standards. You cannot use it as the backbone of your argument to discriminate against gay and lesbian individuals. If there is a God, I can promise you that he doesn't give a shit what gay and lesbian people do sexually.....as long as they love and respect each other and those around them. Fear governs those who are supporting this proposition. Fear and hatred and they do everything they can to mask it, to try and show that they are not trying to discriminate. But that's all this proposition does. It is even written into it as plain as day. Here is the actual wording:

"ELIMINATES RIGHT OF SAME-SEX COUPLES TO MARRY. INITIATIVE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT. Changes the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. Provides that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California. Fiscal Impact: Over next few years, potential revenue loss, mainly sales taxes, totaling in the several tens of millions of dollars, to state and local governments. In the long run, likely little fiscal impact on state and local governments."

I get sick to my stomach when I see these idiots on TV, holding prayer meetings in lame attempts to make certain this passes. I get angry when I see how the Mormon Church is funding the "Yes on 8" push from outside of California. What right do they have to meddle in the affairs of our state?

This proposition may very well pass. As I write this, the final race for it is pretty much neck and neck with the "No on 8" enjoying only a very slight lead.

Does this proposition's passing or not passing affect me directly? Nope. But as someone who chafes at being told what I can and cannot do on any level - especially by those who do not have the brain power to think for themselves and have to have "faith" in some invisible man in the sky to tell them how to live their lives - I am hoping it fails. No one has the right to tell anyone else they cannot marry the person they love. And I can tell you right now if someone told me that, they would be facing a beat-down. So imagine how those who will be affected by this proposition feel if it passes. It is discrimination, no matter how it's supporters try to hide or camouflage it even from themselves so they can continue believing they are "good people". And I only have one thing to say to all of them who support it, even as much as some are my friends:

"Wake the fuck up, dumbass."

P.S.
And by the way, I already voted, bitches.

Next Fave Picture of the Moment

Fave New Picture of the Moment

Daddy Time and Halloween Costume Pictures

Enjoy!

Daddy Time

Devlin's Halloween Costume

First Meetings: Face-to-Face

I probably should have blogged this yesterday, but I actually have to admit that I spent most of the evening sort of absorbing everything.....

After we had dropped off Cat (who had come up to San Jose to go with me to see The Damned [see previous blog]), Amy and I went to my mom's, spent a little bit of time visiting, and then I left them all to drive myself over to Keith's (my father's brother, my recently-discovered uncle) house. Before I had been able to lock my truck, my father was on the porch.

It has been close to 40 years, basically my entire life. I had gone back and forth in my head as to what would be appropriate, what would I feel comfortable with: a hug or a handshake. I still wasn't completely certain until about a second beforehand. A handshake is so impersonal; it tend to keep people at something of a polite distance. A hug opens things up, lowers our guards, allows for the potential of more. I opted for the hug, which I feel was a good choice.

I have to admit to tearing up. After all, this is my father, the person at least partially responsible for bringing me into the world. But I did not cry. Not because I was trying to be "tough"; it was simply a bit more sensory overload that went beyond tears.

Our visit was slightly awkward at first, understandably so. I met a few other members of Keith's family, Randy's (my father) girlfriend. I think one of his concerns was that this would be something of an "interrogation" meeting, and I have to admit I have questions. But I think the casual atmosphere and conversation, the ebb and flow of light conversation was for the best. It served allow everyone to let their guards down, to relax, to take in the moment. It was very much like a "family" type of visit. The family resemblances between my father, Keith, and myself are quite amazing, sort of eerily so even! We did not touch upon anything too heavy, basically kept everything to a minimum of general informational type of questions, although there was some interesting banter referencing other family and events. As nervous as I was throughout, it became easier the longer I was there.

Unfortunately, I had to cut things short, only staying for about an hour and half or so; we had to drive back to San Jose and I wanted to get home before it got too late so that Sloanie didn't have to be at home on her own for too long (she was in school, and could not take the trip with us for the day). He gave me his number and I put it into my cell and will call. Thankfully, Keith is an avid photographer, and took a number of shots throughout, inside and outside. I am including some here (see link below).

I have questions, to be sure. Some I feel I have a right to ask, others perhaps I do not. There is 40 years or so of space to fill in. It is my hope this will not be the only visit. I don't think it will; he seemed to be just as interested in more visits and learning more about me as I am about him. I have to admit, though, it is sort of difficult. But I have to remind myself that it must be just as odd for him as well and I guess we will sort it out over time.

Thanks to Keith for helping to arrange everything. I look forward to learning more about the family I have not been apart of for so many years.

First Meetings: Face-to-Face

The Damned - Live in San Jose, CA 2008

The Damned, perhaps the most important band in punk rock history (www.officialdamned.com), rolled into San Jose on 10/29 to play one of only a handful of U.S. West Coast dates. My long-time friend Cat has been an avid Damned fan (heh, that sounded funny.....) since the 80s, so this was a great opportunity to catch them. We were literally at the front of the stage in this very small local venue and one must remember that I got all of these shots while jumping up and down and being jostled in all directions in true punk rock/mosh pit style - all good-naturedly and fun for all, of course. Please feel free to comment.

The Damned - Live in San Jose 2008

Great Quote

I regularly contribute commentary to various stories - most of a political bent - in the S.F. Chronicle. In reviewing some tonight left by others, I came across the greatest analogy in response to John McCain and Sarah Palin's insistence to their supporters that they will pull out an upset win over Obama and Biden next week. I think you will enjoy it as well:

"You can jump from the 80th story of a building and pretend that you're flying for the first 79."

Ah.....I love it.

First Meetings

Two fairly major posts in one night from me. Don't you feel special? I had to knock out the "Voting" entry as it was wearing on me. This particular entry will be a rather more serious one.

I am meeting my biological father on Thursday.

As can be imagined, I have a variety of emotions swirling through my head right now. I have sort of backed off on posts in relation to this subject, not because I felt I had to, but because there really was not much to say. I have been exchanging emails and a few phone calls with my father's brother Keith, who has been very helpful in providing family photos and information as well as acting as something of a liaison between my father and myself. This week seems to have presented itself as the best time; I am taking my friend Cat back home on Thursday (she is coming to San Jose so we can go see The Damned play locally Wednesday night). Amy and Devlin will be driving in with us (we will visit my mom at her work so she can show off her grandson), and I will be dropping them off at my mom's house before heading over to Keith's.

That's the plan. As you can see, being somewhat OCD in detailing events is sort of my way of either avoiding the main subject matter or simply clarifying it in my own head. Take your pick.

I know this is going to be a somewhat awkward meeting. After all, we both have 40 years to cram into about an hour or two. That said, I think it is best that we don't try to fill the time with that 40 years. What am I going to say? I have no clue in advance. How will he react to seeing me for the first time in 40 years? Also difficult to say, but based on Keith's comments, we is just as anxious and apprehensive.

I started this journey not that long ago. It is a little intimidating to think that it has taken such a short amount of time to get to this point. And not to wax too dramatic, but I can't help but think that this is the real start. We shall see and I will obviously keep this page updated for anyone who cares.

Voting

I was struck today by what I can only surmise to be something of a common opinion, given the source. While I like the person who uttered the opinion very much, I have to admit to feeling somewhat arrogant in my obviously elitist position of being more intellectual. Basically, I like them for who they are but I feel they are not my equal. Is that bad? Perhaps I should detail their opinion and then maybe it will appear more clearly than this rather cryptic paragraph.

We dropped off a piece of furniture today that we no longer had any use for to someone who could definitely use it. After I had unloaded the item(s), this person noticed the "Obama/Biden '08" campaign car magnet on the tailgate of the Titan. Immediately, they laughingly commented, "Oh no.....you are supporting Obama?" My response was dry, but pointed to a degree, with only a hint of backing off a touch because this person is considered something of a friend. I merely said, yes, I was supporting Obama, because I was sick and tired of dealing with the same bullshit and lies the GOP has generated over the course of the past eight years. The conversation was good-natured, actually, and she referenced a recent story about how there was doubt about Obama even being a citizen of the U.S. I had to actually bite the inside of my mouth a bit to stop myself from leveling into them, as they had obviously not gotten beyond the headline (here is the story). When I started to detail how they were buying into the bullshit being slung, they backed off a bit by figuratively throwing up their hands and noting, "I don't know, I really don't get too involved in politics.....I don't even vote."

Excuse me?

How can someone be even slightly critical of my political opinion (i.e. choice of candidate) and yet not vote themselves?

It is these types of encounters that make me wonder if it is all worth it sometimes. The basic American - to me - seems so apathetic as to be near moronic. My fear is that this person may represent a larger demographic than I would like and are subscribing to the fear mongering, the lies, the mudslingling so inherent in politics (which, by the way, John McCain vowed at the beginning of his campaign that he would never resort to.....so much for good intentions, huh?).

Anyway, it sort of inspired me to vote today. Yes, I voted today, both Amy and I did. We received our absentee ballots a couple of weeks ago and have been too busy to really focus on them. This afternoon, however, I set-up the laptop in front of us, researched all of the propositions, reviewed the various pros and cons for everything noted. Our ballots sit sealed and ready to be picked up (will place them in the mail tomorrow).

At this point, I am done trying to convince anyone. If anyone is still undecided, all I can say is "Are you fucking kidding me?". I don't care how you vote, just get your ass out and do it. Have an opinion AND have the brain and will to make your opinion known and count.

'Nuff said.

Facebook

I have caved in and created a Facebook page. If you are out there as well, say hi to me here.

Religulous

I can't wait to see this movie.....

Such a lovely evening.....

Amy had the suggestion tonight - after we dropped Sloan off at her mom's for her weekend - to actually go out to dinner. Not to order in, not to pick something up.....but to actually go to a physical location, sit down, review real menus, order food and enjoy a nice evening out. Oh, and before you ask "Well, where was Devlin during all of this?", he was right there with us, of course. And he was such the perfect baby, really a good boy. He only fussed a couple of times, but was easily appeased with either his binkie or the bottle we had brought with us. We had sushi, with the very welcome and long absent - for Amy, at least - addition of two large Sapporos and a large sake with two cups. Very nice.....

I have to admit that I had had a few concerns, mainly because I am one of those people who get highly annoyed with parents who go out and about and make no apologies or adjustments when foisting their spawn onto others in public's places. I do not agree with parents who feel they have some sort of inherent right to go anywhere and do anything that generally infringes onto others enjoying their time out. They are YOUR kids, not mine, you bastards. But I think I have to adjust my attitude a slight bit; I am still annoyed by many of those instances, but mainly because I actually take the time to consider where I am going and if it is appropriate to bring the little yard apes along. Basically, I like to believe I am a rather considerate individual (do unto others, and all that.....). But tonight was quite easy. We didn't allow Little D to wail, he obviously isn't old enough to be going table to table or crawling all over the floor, and it should be noted that the "approximately" 2-year old little girl at the next table was louder than the entire customer base seated in the place while Devlin simply had his bottle and looked around.

We have to get used to being out and about. There is no question about that. Or, as Amy put it, "Life has to go on, it doesn't just stop when you have a baby." Preparation and consideration of others is key, however, and I think those are two things severely lacking in many parents these days. I am not saying we are the most perfect examples.....but at least we think about this shit before just assuming anything, right?

Over all, a very lovely evening was had by all.....

Wednesday

I never thought it would take me more than a day - possibly a weekend - to do something as relatively simple as clean house.....

Well, to be fair, I have also re-arranged certain things about the living room, re-hung some artwork, which reminds me that we just got a new piece form our friend Mike K. on this past Saturday (see below):



Check Mike out on-line at www.cafepress.com/threepointfive/942910 or www.myspace.com/threepointfiveink.

Oktoberfest was pretty cool, but I think too many people are becoming hip to it as it was quite packed. After 2pm, it was literally an hour wait for a beer......outrageous, man. Still, we all had a good time, stayed for a number of hours, enjoyed many beers, then crashed back at home. Good day......

Anyway, back to domestic fun. Trying to do my part as I am able to help A. out with Lil D, but it is difficult sometimes. The house has gradually deteriorated. Laundry is a constant, of course, and can be done fairly easily. It is now sneaking up on Thursday and so far I have been able to get the living room, kitchen, hallway, and main bathroom cleaned and organized. Revamped the living room a bit, took out part of the sectional couch to make it smaller and create more room for some of D's stuff.

Ugh. This post is even boring me. My great plans for tomorrow: The garage. Absolute chaos. And I need to clean it before next week as I have given S approval for a Halloween party and I plan on locking them all outside. Maid and gardener....that's me and my "vacation". And I still have to sign in at some point before the end of next week and finalize a project from work. At least I am getting paid for everything.........

Not going to State of Grace this weekend....am sort of bummed, but not too badly. Just can't justify spending the money on getting anymore inkwork done right now, as much as I want to......maybe for Christmas........

Ok, gonna sign out now. Watching "The World According to Garp" that I TiVo'd the other night. Remastered into HD and I haven't seen it in ages. You should check it out if you get the chance.....

weirdness

Here is one of those whiny moments I generally detest in blogs I encounter....

Something has been wearing on me for quite some time. It shouldn't, because it is not any of my business. I have no right to address it with the individuals involved, its their lives, not mine. So I will use this blog to simply vent and perhaps come more into tune with the hows and whys of my opinions.

On my 40th birthday, I was disrespected by the one person I would not have expected, an individual I have known for more years than anyone else in my life, even my brother Nate. He and his wife willfully disrespected both Amy and myself, perhaps feeling they had a right to, perhaps not even thinking their actions to be disrespectful, who knows. It was sort of the culmination of the friendship generally dissolving as I observed myself becoming much more in tune with who I am and he changing into everything we had scoffed at in our youth. But I should also note that as long as he and his wife are happy with who and what they are and have become, I should be happy for them. As a result of the cathartic instance that occurred on my 40th, I have not spoken to either of them since. I have never once yelled at them or confronted them - although I did detail the event that occurred on my previous blog located on my MySpace page.

My annoyance comes from still being an active observer of their own blog and watching them make some of the same mistakes over again they have made previously. Years ago they lived in San Diego and maintained a one wage earner home, with my former friend being a stay-at-home dad. He worked part-time here and there, but nothing to support the family; this should be noted as their standard, the way they have generally lived for the bulk of their marriage. The wife has had the pressure of being the sole earner while he stayed home to raise three kids. That, however, is beside the point, really. When she lost her job, they lost the house they were buying. Now, years later, they have decided to buy again. Same situation, one earner, three kids. They live in the Central Valley now and while prices are most assuredly lower than they are around me in the South Bay, this is still a very fragile market. Yet, somehow, they were able to secure a loan.

I should be happy. I should actually take heart to some degree because their credit is more than likely much worse than ours and I know for a fact that they could not have come close to being able to put together a deposit of more than perhaps $10K. And yet....I am annoyed. I am annoyed because I know this market has yet to hit bottom. I am annoyed because - and I must admit this openly - I do not feel they are using good judgment and will only end up repeating the same mistakes they have made in the past and lose yet another house. Part of my concern is knowing that they have other challenges to address and face down, namely one kid with Asperger Syndrome and another who has recently suffered in being diagnosed and treated for Crohn's Disease. Given their situation with their landlord, they were not really given much choice but to leave. But I think I would have evaluated my situation a bit more and chosen to rent for a bit, saved money, paid more into my debts, and then looked for a house (especially since the overall market has yet to bottom out).

I am being judgmental. I know this. I am being a tad bitter, because we are struggling with what approach to take to buy our current home ourselves while balancing the new challenges (financial and otherwise) of a newborn baby. And I think my bitterness stems quite a bit from the knowledge that this former friend of mine made it an art form in criticizing each and every move I made in my life as well as others. He has dropped friends off the face of the planet due to mistakes they have made in their lives, despite any changes they made for the better later on. He is perhaps the most arrogant, self-righteous, sanctimonious bastard I have ever known.....beside me, of course. So why should things work out for him and not for me? We take the time to evaluate, to save, to plan.....and yet the state of business - such as it is - means everything will be moving very very slowly.

Jealous? I can admit that, sure. I don't know. Why should I care, right? Perhaps I am simply looking for more reasons to hate him? Again, I don't know. I should wish them the best, but I can't help but feel they have made a huge mistake and it has always been my nature to get annoyed by shit like that. Again, don't look for reason here, its just how I am.

In the end, perhaps I just needed to vent here on my own to come to terms that I am happy for them and wish them the best.....but I am still angry over the disrespect he and his wife showed Amy and I and the fact that they have never once attempted to address it on their own, either in a blog, in a phone call, in a letter, or face-to-face. They knew we were angry and hurt and showed their true colors by being cowards and not discussing it. Hence my general morbid curiosity in continuing to peruse their blog from time to time.

I think, maybe, the lesson here is that I need to take the truly final step of forgetting them altogether. It may be what allows me to have that small piece of mind that is missing, which in turn has me seek out their blog. We'll see. Venting helps, though.....