As the end of my first full week of unemployment draws to a close, I have decided to hang out with Devlin. He was supposed to go to daycare, albeit a bit later because she had a doctor's appointment to go to. But after I changed him and got him dressed I thought to myself, "I think I would like it more if he just stayed home with me today." If I get to it, I can still do job searches, but honestly, everything I am finding I have already submitted my resume to. Almost ten jobs in total, so not really too bad. I was going to possibly do some shopping for a new jacket, slacks, shirts, and ties today (ugh.....I have to actually start dressing like an adult again for potential interviews instead of wearing my standard Dickies workshirt, jeans, and Adidas...with tattoos screaming, no less....probably wouldn't go over very well in any interview situation.....), but I can actually do some of that tomorrow if I want. At any rate, whether I go out or not today, it really isn't that big of a deal to take the little monster with me; he loves going out and about. Amy, naturally, hates me for this because it means I get to spend more time with Lil D while she has to suffer at work.
Part of this also comes from me recalling something I had said earlier, right after I got laid off. I had said I was also going to use this time to try and spend with my family, and this past week has seen just that. I got a little tense somewhere around Tuesday or Wednesday, if only because I do not regard domestic responsibilities as being solely a singular person endeavor, meaning it is more of a team sport in our household. So I snapped, just a little bit, at Amy because it felt as if I was doing everything (dishes, dinner, breakfasts, laundry, housework, shopping, etc., etc., etc.). And I pretty much am. But I have to admit that I do like being able to make sure Sloanie gets a decent breakfast before she heads off to school, that dinner is mostly ready when Amy gets home, that I have the chance to spend the day with Devlin. Overall, its pretty cool.....
Now if I can just figure out a way to get paid for it, I will be set.....
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Feeling Pretty Good Today.....
Got up around 8am this morning, made breakfast for Sloanie and saw her off to school, and then immediately plopped down in front of the computer with my bowl of cereal and OJ and started my job search anew. The day started out sort of bleak, but I was actually able to find a few things and sent in my resume, a cover letter, etc. Between yesterday and today I have applied for a total of eight positions in the area, which I don't think is too bad a roll, actually. I have also set up an appointment with the local University of Phoenix campus to explore options of taking some technical writing classes. I think I mentioned that in my previous post, but it is worth mentioning, I believe.
Taking a bit of a break now that it is after 1pm to get some lunch and chill out a little. Hope everyone is well!
Taking a bit of a break now that it is after 1pm to get some lunch and chill out a little. Hope everyone is well!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Where It Be, What It Is, Whence It Goes
Weird title, huh? Thought it up all by my lonesome, on the fly.
This is the 2nd official day of my job search. I have registered for pretty much every site I can think of, have actually sent out several applications and resumes, and even set up an appointment with a counselor at the San Jose location for University of Phoenix to explore options of expanding my knowledge and going for Technical Writing to add to my editing and desktop publishing skills. On the surface, one could probably surmise that I have taken the bull by the proverbial horns and am riding that fucker down. Right?
Well, yeah, I guess so. At some point this afternoon, after entering the same information from my resume into another company's site for what felt like the hundredth time (which was probably only the fourth or fifth in reality), depression reared it's ugly little head up and said "Hi, Loser!". It took me literally four to five hours to submit applications or my resume to as many jobs, mainly because I had to enter all the same information to each one each time. It mentally exhausted me. And this is only the 2nd damn day! I am trying to be upbeat, but then the realization that I will not be working for my former employer hits me. Sure, there is a slim chance the two people left behind in my former group will get in over their heads and scream for help and I MIGHT get a call to come back....as a contractor. But even if that very off-chance and call comes through, it is sort of a bit humiliating. I had been there for five years; I got my wife a job there because I love the company and felt it could offer her a new and fresh opportunity. Plus, we could see each other every day and carpool. There were absolute advantages, and we were certainly not the only couple working there. When I started, five years ago, one of the driving benefits I liked was the claim that the company was "family-oriented". They did not expect one to give up their lives to the company, although many did, willingly, because they a) enjoyed their jobs and b) felt they were making a difference. Now most of those people have been shoved aside. None of us were treated as "family"; more like annoyances.
I am ranting, I know. I shouldn't. I know. But it is hard. It is hard to know that I have to now more than likely accept a much lower salary and start all over. It is hard knowing I kicked ass on a daily basis and that work was never taken into account by those higher up (no matter how many have emailed me privately or come up to Amy and noted how much I will be missed and what a good job I always did for them and the company). To be short, it isn't fair. Nothing about this is fair, nothing about this even remotely sounds logical. It is panic, pure and simple, and I have to pay the price for another's fear, another's cowardice, because that other's pay and bonus must be protected at all cost, even if that means the heads of loyal workers, some of whom have literally given the better portion of their lives to the company. It isn't right.
But what is it that I tell my daughter when she decries the unfairness of any particular event in her life, from grades, to friends, to boys? Oh yes. "Life isn't fair. Wear a helmet."
So I try. I know this may sound like belly-aching and whining, especially since I have talked about little else in the past week or so. But it's my damn blog and I am gonna talk about what I want, dammit. I know this will pass, that perhaps something better is just out of reach and I have to keep trying for it. Let me strap my little helmet on and try again.....
And as I was contemplating this blog in my head, a Charlie Brown Valentine's Day special was on TV. Of course, Charlie Brown was mooning after the little red-haired girl. And I had to smile to myself that even as everything is shifting and morphing around me, a least I have my own red-haired girl.....even if she is a bit more blond these days from the highlights.....
This is the 2nd official day of my job search. I have registered for pretty much every site I can think of, have actually sent out several applications and resumes, and even set up an appointment with a counselor at the San Jose location for University of Phoenix to explore options of expanding my knowledge and going for Technical Writing to add to my editing and desktop publishing skills. On the surface, one could probably surmise that I have taken the bull by the proverbial horns and am riding that fucker down. Right?
Well, yeah, I guess so. At some point this afternoon, after entering the same information from my resume into another company's site for what felt like the hundredth time (which was probably only the fourth or fifth in reality), depression reared it's ugly little head up and said "Hi, Loser!". It took me literally four to five hours to submit applications or my resume to as many jobs, mainly because I had to enter all the same information to each one each time. It mentally exhausted me. And this is only the 2nd damn day! I am trying to be upbeat, but then the realization that I will not be working for my former employer hits me. Sure, there is a slim chance the two people left behind in my former group will get in over their heads and scream for help and I MIGHT get a call to come back....as a contractor. But even if that very off-chance and call comes through, it is sort of a bit humiliating. I had been there for five years; I got my wife a job there because I love the company and felt it could offer her a new and fresh opportunity. Plus, we could see each other every day and carpool. There were absolute advantages, and we were certainly not the only couple working there. When I started, five years ago, one of the driving benefits I liked was the claim that the company was "family-oriented". They did not expect one to give up their lives to the company, although many did, willingly, because they a) enjoyed their jobs and b) felt they were making a difference. Now most of those people have been shoved aside. None of us were treated as "family"; more like annoyances.
I am ranting, I know. I shouldn't. I know. But it is hard. It is hard to know that I have to now more than likely accept a much lower salary and start all over. It is hard knowing I kicked ass on a daily basis and that work was never taken into account by those higher up (no matter how many have emailed me privately or come up to Amy and noted how much I will be missed and what a good job I always did for them and the company). To be short, it isn't fair. Nothing about this is fair, nothing about this even remotely sounds logical. It is panic, pure and simple, and I have to pay the price for another's fear, another's cowardice, because that other's pay and bonus must be protected at all cost, even if that means the heads of loyal workers, some of whom have literally given the better portion of their lives to the company. It isn't right.
But what is it that I tell my daughter when she decries the unfairness of any particular event in her life, from grades, to friends, to boys? Oh yes. "Life isn't fair. Wear a helmet."
So I try. I know this may sound like belly-aching and whining, especially since I have talked about little else in the past week or so. But it's my damn blog and I am gonna talk about what I want, dammit. I know this will pass, that perhaps something better is just out of reach and I have to keep trying for it. Let me strap my little helmet on and try again.....
And as I was contemplating this blog in my head, a Charlie Brown Valentine's Day special was on TV. Of course, Charlie Brown was mooning after the little red-haired girl. And I had to smile to myself that even as everything is shifting and morphing around me, a least I have my own red-haired girl.....even if she is a bit more blond these days from the highlights.....
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