Out With The Old & In With The New

More or less.

One would think that having almost two weeks off, I would have had both the time and motivation to post more. Alas, it was not to be.

2008 was a very eventful year, to say the least. The better part of the year had us eagerly anticipating Little Devlin's arrival. I have to admit that fatherhood this time around is even better, the fact that I have a true partner making it all the better. It does make me sad, though, when I look back on my daughter Sloan being born. It has nothing to do with not wanting her or not feeling ready; I was more than ready and fully believe and fell that Sloan was the best thing to come out of my marriage to her mother. But the relationship just was not altogether "there", if you know what I mean, and I feel it took away from the entire experience. With Devlin, both Amy and I were fully involved and it was amazing. It is still amazing when I wake up and see his little face. Sloan turned 13 this year, another milestone with regards to "the kids". I have had to come to terms with being the father of a teenager, which is no small thing. I have to admit that I am, at times, a harsh taskmaster when it comes to Sloan, mainly because I know her potential is much more than she seems to believe it to be. At the risk of sounding hard, I simply do not wish her to turn into her mother, the consummate victim. Sloan is a strong, intelligent, sweet, and loving person.....and it is a constant battle to make sure she remains so. I am sure there will be more on this as the year progresses, as she graduates from middle school, and especially as she enters high school....all milestones hitting in 2009. April will see her enjoying an amazing opportunity of traveling with her class to Washington, D.C. and the surrounding areas with her class on a fantastic and educational trip. Like I said, this will be a big year for her and I am slowly coming to the understanding I must accept her needing more space and freedom. This is gonna be really hard.....

Work has the potential for changes, if not for me than perhaps for Amy. I cannot really comment on anything because we don't really know for sure what is going on yet, but we do know the sector she works in is in store for some drastic changes, not all for the good. Keeping our fingers crossed and exploring options as much as possible.

2008 also saw me finding family. This was driven in no small part by Lil D's arrival. After close to 40 years, I have come face-to-face with my biological father. We are taking things slow, but I am optimistic that I will not only achieve some sort of closure, but also have the opportunity to step through a newly open door. At least that is my hope. My father's absence from my life is a cornerstone to many emotional issues I have had to address, mainly on my own, in my life, including bouts of depression, anger, and loneliness. I'm not looking for sympathy; I'm just being honest, and I have enough self-awareness to be able to psychoanalyze myself to one degree or another. Anyway, I have at least found that side of my bloodline and it is proving to be a satisfying exploration the more I get to know them.

I am hoping 2009 will allow me to be more creative. Last year, my brother and I directed and produced another music video, which was pretty cool, but I am hoping to do something on my own, to steel the resolve in myself to sit down and tap into the various stories floating around in my head.We'll see. I also have the goal set to purchase a bass guitar and amp and teach myself how to play. Why? I don't know...maybe this is my own mid-life crisis. I think it is better (and I am sure Amy will agree) than a hot young floozy or sports car, right?

And on the topic of mid-life crises....I turn 42 in less than a week. Am I worried? Hell no! I love it. I look better than most 30 year olds. Sure, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I still get carded, bitches. No one believes me when I tell them my age, and I enjoy that. Not because I am age-obsessed, but because I do not even remotely feel as I imagined - when I was in my teens - those in their 40s must feel and look, wrinkles, grey hairs, and all. I attribute this to being, well, basically immature. And generally proud of it.....

In May, Amy and I will have been together for 9 years, married for 4 of those. Funny to think that getting set-up on a blind date that neither of us wanted would result in all of this! She is absolutely my favorite person, the first person I turn to for advice and opinion, the person who makes me laugh the most. And while we are still so very early into this adventure, with each other, with Sloan, and especially with Devlin, I look forward to every day.

I guess, in the end, that is pretty much why I am not too concerned about 2009. Whatever curveballs get thrown at us, I know I have Amy, Sloan, and Devlin (and Brooklyn and Spike, too!) on my team. That knowledge alone helps me make it through each day and makes each one better. So, yeah, I am looking forward to the new year, new beginnings, new opportunities.

Bring it on.....

update. sort of.

Sorry for the lack of entries. Have been busy doing, well, nothing. And it is everything I thought it would be.....

Christmas was very nice. Relaxing, completely laid back, it was just me, Amy, and the little guy. Sloan was at her mom's for the holiday and the following weekend, per previous arrangement. Amy's Dad arrived for a week-long visit from Florida; we are heading up to The City tomorrow to partake in some authentic Irish Coffees from the Buena Vista as well as head over to Belmont (I think) from dim-sum. New Year's Eve will probably be low-key as we have to keep Lil D's schedule in mind, but out great friends Scott and Renee will more than likley drop by to keep us company and enjoy some holiday imbibing.

Work kicks back in for both of us on January 5th, but then my 42nd birthday hits the following Saturday! Sometimes it is hard to believe I am 42, but since I know I don't even remotely look the part, I can't complain. Besides, I am pretty damn comfortable with it. As long as I get good gifts.......

Speaking of gifts, I still have to detail all of the cool shit I got for Xmas. Maybe tomorrow......

More later. Tired now. Old age and all........ :)



S