weirdness

Here is one of those whiny moments I generally detest in blogs I encounter....

Something has been wearing on me for quite some time. It shouldn't, because it is not any of my business. I have no right to address it with the individuals involved, its their lives, not mine. So I will use this blog to simply vent and perhaps come more into tune with the hows and whys of my opinions.

On my 40th birthday, I was disrespected by the one person I would not have expected, an individual I have known for more years than anyone else in my life, even my brother Nate. He and his wife willfully disrespected both Amy and myself, perhaps feeling they had a right to, perhaps not even thinking their actions to be disrespectful, who knows. It was sort of the culmination of the friendship generally dissolving as I observed myself becoming much more in tune with who I am and he changing into everything we had scoffed at in our youth. But I should also note that as long as he and his wife are happy with who and what they are and have become, I should be happy for them. As a result of the cathartic instance that occurred on my 40th, I have not spoken to either of them since. I have never once yelled at them or confronted them - although I did detail the event that occurred on my previous blog located on my MySpace page.

My annoyance comes from still being an active observer of their own blog and watching them make some of the same mistakes over again they have made previously. Years ago they lived in San Diego and maintained a one wage earner home, with my former friend being a stay-at-home dad. He worked part-time here and there, but nothing to support the family; this should be noted as their standard, the way they have generally lived for the bulk of their marriage. The wife has had the pressure of being the sole earner while he stayed home to raise three kids. That, however, is beside the point, really. When she lost her job, they lost the house they were buying. Now, years later, they have decided to buy again. Same situation, one earner, three kids. They live in the Central Valley now and while prices are most assuredly lower than they are around me in the South Bay, this is still a very fragile market. Yet, somehow, they were able to secure a loan.

I should be happy. I should actually take heart to some degree because their credit is more than likely much worse than ours and I know for a fact that they could not have come close to being able to put together a deposit of more than perhaps $10K. And yet....I am annoyed. I am annoyed because I know this market has yet to hit bottom. I am annoyed because - and I must admit this openly - I do not feel they are using good judgment and will only end up repeating the same mistakes they have made in the past and lose yet another house. Part of my concern is knowing that they have other challenges to address and face down, namely one kid with Asperger Syndrome and another who has recently suffered in being diagnosed and treated for Crohn's Disease. Given their situation with their landlord, they were not really given much choice but to leave. But I think I would have evaluated my situation a bit more and chosen to rent for a bit, saved money, paid more into my debts, and then looked for a house (especially since the overall market has yet to bottom out).

I am being judgmental. I know this. I am being a tad bitter, because we are struggling with what approach to take to buy our current home ourselves while balancing the new challenges (financial and otherwise) of a newborn baby. And I think my bitterness stems quite a bit from the knowledge that this former friend of mine made it an art form in criticizing each and every move I made in my life as well as others. He has dropped friends off the face of the planet due to mistakes they have made in their lives, despite any changes they made for the better later on. He is perhaps the most arrogant, self-righteous, sanctimonious bastard I have ever known.....beside me, of course. So why should things work out for him and not for me? We take the time to evaluate, to save, to plan.....and yet the state of business - such as it is - means everything will be moving very very slowly.

Jealous? I can admit that, sure. I don't know. Why should I care, right? Perhaps I am simply looking for more reasons to hate him? Again, I don't know. I should wish them the best, but I can't help but feel they have made a huge mistake and it has always been my nature to get annoyed by shit like that. Again, don't look for reason here, its just how I am.

In the end, perhaps I just needed to vent here on my own to come to terms that I am happy for them and wish them the best.....but I am still angry over the disrespect he and his wife showed Amy and I and the fact that they have never once attempted to address it on their own, either in a blog, in a phone call, in a letter, or face-to-face. They knew we were angry and hurt and showed their true colors by being cowards and not discussing it. Hence my general morbid curiosity in continuing to peruse their blog from time to time.

I think, maybe, the lesson here is that I need to take the truly final step of forgetting them altogether. It may be what allows me to have that small piece of mind that is missing, which in turn has me seek out their blog. We'll see. Venting helps, though.....