Pretty much the most frightening night of my life...

I was already not looking forward to this week.

Besides this being the first week of Devlin staying home with me full-time (as we decided even part-time daycare is too expensive for the time being...), Sloan's freshman orientation for high school is this week in addition to a meet/greet BBQ for her to go and meet her teachers and other students involved in her Agricultural Biology course. Add as a cherry on top of this the fact that Amy was to leave early Monday morning to attend a conference on electric vehicles in Long Beach as part of a team from her work group. All of this and my continuing job search plus domestic duties for the week meant my life was going to be rather busy this particular week...

As I have mentioned, Devlin will be staying at home with me full-time for daycare. His last official day at the provider's was this past Friday and he came home with a slight sniffle, which turned into full-blown nasal congestion by late afternoon Saturday. The poor little guy was having a hard time of it, trying to breathe through his nose and fighting us tooth and nail whenever we made attempts to suck out the snot with his little baby squeegee bulb. It didn't help, really, that this weekend got so warm that we pretty much had no choice but to turn on the AC, which plays havoc for a bit with even my sinuses. Saturday night, he kept waking up from his congestion and all we could really do was try to suck it out, comfort him, and give him Children's Tylenol as he is also still teething a bit. Sunday day was slightly better, but by nightfall his congestion had returned. Amy really need to get some sleep as the taxi was to arrive to pick her up to get her to the airport around 7am, so I was up late with the little guy, checking in on him, going through the same motions as on Saturday night. Was pretty much all anyone could do for him.

Around midnight, I thought he might need some more fluids, so I laid him in his crib - after having just cleaned out his nose a little and sitting in our rocking chair with him a bit - and went to the kitchen to prep a bottle. Took me all of two or three minutes, maybe. I returned, set the bottle down by the rocker, and turned on the light to find Devlin in his crib having a seizure of some sort, not breathing, gasping for air as if he was choking on something. Scooping him up into my arms, I held him in front of me, his little arms over my forearm, patting him on the back, calling his name, and yelling out for Amy. Seconds later, with Amy saying his name and trying to get him to snap out of it as well, he began to moan here and there, but was completely listless; his head and arms were utterly slack. We grabbed what we could and rushed to the ER. I don't mind telling you that I ran at least one red light (after making sure there was no cross traffic, of course). I dropped Amy and Devlin off at the ER entrance and parked my Titan and ran back.

By this time, Devlin was drifting in and out of sleep, moaning and/or crying whenever he woke up. The nurse took his temperature: 103.4. How it got so high, so quickly, we have no idea. After some difficulty encountered with the ER's med disbursement system, they administered some Tylenol to bring his fever down and all we could do then was wait for one of the doctor's on duty to see him.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting (actually about an hour to an hour and a half), we were led into an area and were met by one of the doctors. She took note of the details of my story and informed us that - based on those details and what she saw - it would appear that Devlin had suffered a febrile seizure after his fever spiked. After examining his ears, the doctor confirmed he had an ear infection, which more than likely brought on the fever, which more than likely caused the seizure. However, during her examination of Devlin, the doctor listened to his chest, heart and lungs, and turned to us to ask, "You have talked to your pediatrician about his heart murmur, haven't you?"

Um...no. What the Hell are you talking about?

Upon seeing my reaction, the doctor backpedaled a little and tried to reassure us that it wasn't entirely abnormal, that it is very possible our pediatrician had not noticed it before because it was not very bad and are typically easier to hear during events such as illness with a fever (for some reason). She said they generally grade heart murmurs on a scale of one to six, with one being very slight and six being pretty bad. She said Devlin's is about a two on that scale. Heart murmurs and febrile seizures, she went on to explain, are actually not all that unusual in babies, especially boys, and typically go away after they reach the ages of three or four. She said it was a little unusual to encounter the seizures in a baby Devlin's age (they tend to occur at 18 to 24 months), but was not unheard of.

In the end, after five hours, we got some antibiotics for his ear infection, some Children's Tylenol and Motrin for the fever, and got home in time to catch an hour's worth of rest before we had to give him some more meds. After we got situated, I pretty much broke down from the mental stress and strain. If it had not been for Amy being as calm as she more or less was in a trying situation, recognizing the seizure after I described it from her extensive reading and research on all things baby-related (and having actually just had a recent conversation with another mom about this very issue)...I don't know what I would have done. I mean, I reacted as I should have, took care of business. But afterward, I basically came down hard. The seizure - as generally harmless as they have been described to us - was incredibly frightening. Amy did not see it; I did. I honestly thought Devlin was dying and I felt helpless in that moment to do anything to prevent it. I ran entirely on autopilot. It is like being in a car accident, in a way. I flashed on the time a car slammed into me while I was living in Reno; Sloan - about the same age Devlin is now - and her mother were in the car when a speeding woman came barreling down on us as I was turning into traffic. She slammed her brakes on so hard, her car spun and her passenger side slammed into my driver's side. I got Sloan out first - she had not even crushed the cracker in her hand as she sat strapped in the carseat, tough kid - and then her mother. That night, my body felt as if I had been beaten over every inch and my brain just shut down as I realized I could have probably died if the car had hit my side even in a slightly different fashion (the driver's side of my car was totaled). I literally collapsed into bed that night and felt tattered and bruised up the entire next day. That's how I feel today after last night, but more emotionally so. Drained, but thankful Devlin is fine (as he laughs at me in his babygon, trying to walk on his own, while I write this and prepare to go make his dinner...).

I have been involved in some events and been witness to others that scared me in the moment, but never anything that frightened me as much as this one. Yes, everyone is fine - even though we now really have to be vigilant about any fever Devlin gets as well as discuss what work-ups we can do for him with our pediatrician (neurological, as well as cardiological with regards to the heart murmur). But, overall, everyone is fine and doing well.

I would just prefer, if I have a choice in the matter, to not have to deal with that again. Ok?