Big Brother 10

As mentioned in my beautiful counterpart's own blog, we do enjoy - on occasion - a guilty pleasure of a few reality shows here and there. One we have watched pretty much every season is CBS' Big Brother. I have learned to give the show several episodes to allow myself some time to become somewhat invested in the participants, especially since most are incredibly annoying and deserving of nothing more than a few swift kicks to the head each. This season......that approach is not working. I hate everybody on the show.

Let's examine this season's contestants. We have Angie, a Pharmaceutical Sales Representative from Orlando, Florida, seemingly a very serious player, cute, with the potential to be very hot, but stupid enough to already have a habit of aligning herself with the wrong people; April, a Financial Manager from Higley, AZ, whose claim to fame, this far, is in having everyone feel her "all natural" boobs in the first episode; Brian, a Telecommunication Account Manager (i.e. cell phone salesman) from S.F., CA, who isn't really relevant anymore since he has had the distinction of being the first one voted out; Memphis (real name? who knows.....), a Mixologist (we call those bartenders out here, dumbass.....) from L.A., CA (which explains his pretentiousness of referring to himself as a "mixologist" as opposed to a "bartender"); Libra (yeah.....that is supposedly HER real name, too), a HR Rep from Spring, TX, who is actually in the running (in my book, at least) for the most annoying house guest as she left her husband and mom to not only take care of their 4-year old little girl, but also the 4-month old twin girls they have together.....can we say selfish? There is also Michelle, a Real Estate Agent from Cumberland, RI, who exemplifies everything I hate about stereotypical East Coast women (not bad to look at, but as soon as she opens her mouth I want to punch puppies.....); Ollie, a Marketing Sales Representative from Bloomington, MN, who wasted no time falling into the stereotype laid upon most black men by hooking up with blond/blue-eyed April (her with the all natural boobs), although he claims to be a "good boy" who doesn't drink or curse.....yeah, we'll see how long THAT bullshit lasts.....; one interesting turn is the inclusion of what I like to refer to as the "gray contingent", Jerry and Renny. Jerry is a 75-year old retired Marketing Executive who is also a former Marine and Renny is Beauty Salon Owner. Now, Renny is only 53, so she certainly isn't ancient on the same level Jerry is in comparison to all of the young flesh running around. But I found it rather interesting that she is a beauty salon owner.....who wears a wig. Jerry is pretty cool, overall, but you can almost feel the girls biding their time until he is voted out (which will probably happen soon) so they can cavort in their bikinis and tease the boys on the show as they attempt to manipulate them throughout the course of the game (it happens every season, trust me). Also, Jerry has the incredible misfortune of reminding Amy and I of one of Howard Stern's Wack Pack members, Gary the Retard; if you watch and know, you will understand. We also have Steven, whom I am referring to as "Token" from now on, since he is the lone gay man on the show. And yes, he has already cried; several times. He is a Rodeo Competitor from Dallas, TX. Yeah. I'm going to let THAT one just cruise on by without a snide remark......

Dan is a 24-year old Catholic School Teacher; can't wait to see HIS reactions to the bikinis and potential hormone-inspired hijinks just waiting to pounce into the house. Keesha is a Waitress at Hooters (hey Nate, she works at the one in Burbank; ever tip her?). She is actually quite hot - as one can imagine - and not an altogether annoying speaker.....but as last night's episode showed, says too much, too soon, setting the stage for her own demise. And I ave chosen to leave the best for last: Jessie is a 22-year old professional body builder from Huntington Beach, CA, who would be entertaining to watch if it were not so painful. This complete retard somehow wrangled his way onto the cast and I can only hope that the producers saw his potential for utter and complete disaster and gleefully approved him for the ratings. Imagine each and every stereotype of a "body builder" you have ever heard about; that's Jessie, all rolled into one completely vacuous, self-absorbed, narcissistic, uneducated, unworldly package. He has few language skills, constantly fucking up the English language on a truly horrendous level daily, but thinks his wins over the other house guests at chess make him a better and more intelligent person over them. At one point, during a "diary room" segment, when he was done, he actually stood directly in front of the stationary camera, got his bicep as close to the lens as possible, grunted like a Neanderthal, and said something to the effect of, "I bet you couldn't even get all of THAT on camera, all 18 inches, baby!" Funny, and yet supremely nauseating as a complete and shiny testament to his own sense of self worth. From a purely layman's viewpoint: This kid has got some ISSUES to work out.

And yet I watch. I even TiVo it. But last night, I think I came to the decision that this is surely the worst season ever. I care nothing about any of these people and am really just waiting to see the Hooters chick in a bikini. Does that make for good TV? I guess in America, it does. What's WRONG with me?